I have a lot of things I want to write about today, but my head feels like a crumpled piece of paper and I’m not sure I’ll get very far articulately. There is a large part of me that wants to just hide in the back of my closet and watch Law and Order reruns until it’s dark outside again, while another part of me longs to lace up my tennis shoes and attempt my first run since this time last year. Who am I?! Which one is it?! …Both?! Wild. I have no idea what is going on.
We have a renovation that is killing me slowly by presenting itself in sloth speed each and everyday. It sounds so very dramatic but honestly, it kind of is? Or maybe it’s just me. Like I said above, I have no idea what is going on. I’m sure someday I’ll be up for sharing more about it, but right now I just feel like this home is kicking me while I’m down so maybe another day.
You know what I do have though? Some pictures. From an afternoon in the desert a few weeks ago with my littles and my love and I’m going to just leave them here in a big pile. I loved this day and I love the memories that surface as I look at the images below. My older children are coming up on ages where I realize their need for me and my love is more critical than all those early years combined. The thought alone feels daunting enough. I’m completely terrified, to be candid. But I’m thankful for a Father in heaven to lean on as I do my best to give that love while playing a tiny role in guiding their bright and beautiful spirits. For now, I’ll hold firm to the idea that even when I’m scared I have no idea what is going on (and feel rather unequipped), each and every one of my children cast a glorious warmth in my direction. How lucky we are to be in a season where they teach us so much while we play the role of teacher.
I’m sitting still and counting to ten and hoping to muster up a bit of confidence for this Monday and week ahead. I am sending you love and a virtual hug and someone with a working oven, please go enjoy yourself some homemade brownies for me. :)