these photos are from yesterday when we did a little impromptu self-timer family photo session courtesy of samson with the remote control. that kid is so good with the camera, he actually framed the shot after josh set up the tripod as well! i doubled checked it and was like, “wow! you did good! let’s do this!” because seriously he did all that himself. (i maybe straightened the photos a little bit on my computer but he framed us rather perfectly.) did we get one photo where everyone has their eyes open (lol, talking about me here) and standing pretty without doing some sorta ninja pose or silly face? no way. also, please appreciate the photo of beatrice spitting up mid frame. but this is us! and i kind of love it.
also, happy december! i’m working towards enjoying a slower and calmer christmas season this year. it has mostly been just a huge mental game so far. trying not to run myself too thin with all the projects, the holiday parties, the homemade christmas cookies just so and the calendar filled to the brim with all of my holiday “must do’s, must see, must try….” it’s hard for me, if i’m being honest. i think it’s so important for us to realize when we’re running on nothing and know it’s okay to kindly decline the invite or outing and just stay in and rest. i’ve gotten a lot better at saying “no” the past year or two as i’ve made family time my main priority and i’ve seen the benefits. now i’m trying to do that with myself, because if mama is not rested, i swear it trickles down into all of my little people and they don’t deserve that. taking a walk around the block in the early morning or going to bed the minute my babies do even though it’s usually my prime time to get work done (or watch a show and chill) has been important for me every now and again. when you start saying things like, “i’ve never been so tired” 3 or 4 times a day every day for like, several weeks in a row, you gotta stop being an idiot and figure out how to change that. although i am gonna blame it on the tiredness that it took me a few weeks for the lightbulb to go off and be like, “yeah, i should probably do something about this.”
i went into my bathroom on saturday and cleaned out the over-stuffed and crammed cupboard under the sink filled with half used bottles, products, random things. it was so full of so-much-stuff i never used. never needed. no room for anything else. i got rid of it all. CLEAN! bam! like new! it felt so good. and then i took a twenty minute nap while everyone including the babies was wide awake in our apartment. (i even announced loudly to all 5 little bodies i passed along my way to the bedroom that no one could come in until josh “papa” woke me up.) it’s so minor and small but it felt like turning over a new leaf in a way. i cleaned that crap out and then i also rested. i just yawned as i typed this, but these are baby steps and i just feel super proud.
it’s my way of signaling to myself i’m still in charge over here and can do some of the things, but i am also aware i need to rest and i’m doing that too. we might not get around to all the holiday parties, outings, homemade fancy everythings with beautiful wrappings and toppings and ya know, the works. we might have to shave a few things off that holiday bucket list (and dang it i just yawned again), but we’ll be more present and calm and happy for those things we do get to do. and maybe we’ll make even better memories in those moments of downtime in-between, when we’re surrounded by unfolded laundry but christmas music is playing and those lights on the tree are shining just right. and sure, the kids are choreographing fight scenes on the sofa, but we’re together – and i feel awake enough to savor it.
however you celebrate the holiday season, i hope you find many moments to seek out the calm in the chaotic business of this time of year and be present enough (and awake enough!) so truly enjoy and savor it all. i’m not the best at it, but i’m making it a priority this month to do just that. and i’m so excited to try.