happy birthday, conrad!

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all day yesterday, i kept thinking back to and reliving the day from last year. the last day with my very big pregnant belly before our little conrad arrived.  the moment where my water broke just after i’d finally tucked myself into bed at eleven or twelve at night.  the quite comical episode of josh and me tying to frantically finish packing my hospital bag in the dark (because i definitely procrastinated doing that task this third time around). the moment amidst the packing of the hospital bag where i was on the phone with my doctor pretty much freaking out (there was a lot of blood. i was really scared.) and also that classic ordeal of trying to change our bed sheets and mop up my bedroom floor as josh was trying to get me out the door (because i’m very particular like that and also didn’t want to leave a bloody scene for the kids to wake up to in the morning.)  i remember hailing a taxi downstairs by myself while josh helped our friends who were going to stay with E and S into our apartment. i remember telling the cab driver as we waited for josh to run down that i was having a baby.  he was so excited for us, until he learned it was my third, not my first. ha!

i remember crying a lot. and holding josh’s hand.  i remember a nurse or doctor’s phone alarm going off and off and off with no one tending to it.

and then a few minutes before C arrived, i remember feeling so calm. and looking at the clock high up on the wall thinking, this is it. i’m about to meet you! while feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude at the chance.

we replay the little video clip of his birth often. when josh announces “it’s a boy!” and we hear C’s first cry and the video clip where the kiddos meet their little brother for the first time later in the morning.  all of it makes me cry. every single time.  i am truly the baby of this family.

the most monumental moment for me throughout the entire experience was when i first saw him. his tiny puckered lips, his long fingers, his strong looking body filling with air and super blonde hair. he had so much of samson in his look. but he also had hints of eleanor in him too. i kept touching his head and kissing his cheek while sobbing. literally sobbing.  i was feeling so many feelings but most of all, i felt God.  i know many roll their eyes or prefer i just leave out these parts, but it’s such a big part of me and my life and this story, that it feels strange to not share here.  those few hours after giving birth are always some of the most sacred hours of my life.  the spirit is strong, the veil is ever so thin, and i feel the weight and responsibility of my role as a mother heavier than ever.  with conrad, that feeling felt stronger than usual and i welcomed it. i needed it, and i was grateful for it.

something i have noticed this past year with conrad joining our family, is that he carries that special spirit with him always.  through his happy demeanor and personality, he is a constant reminder of God’s love and the power that love can give, especially as i have struggled (and still struggle daily) with my own trials as i learn and grow while being an imperfect mother and wife and daughter and sister and friend and frankly, human being.  he shows such warmth, such forgiveness, such curiosity and light, i just want to snuggle him all day long and smother him with kisses.  he has brought joy into our home, and based off the way eleanor and samson still freak out with excitement whenever he wakes up from a nap, i’m pretty certain we all are very much obsessed with this little dude.

we love and adore you so very much, conrad.  words cannot adequately express how much i love you.  thank you for being you. happy first birthday!

  1. Elvi

    Beautiful words Naomi. Please keep opening your thoughts to us, the way that you carry your life is always so inspiring. Your post helped me appreciated the little things in life.

  2. Lou

    Happy first birthday Conrad and well done mummy! Xx

  3. Gabriella

    Dear Naomi,

    I loved reading this and getting a glimpse into such a special moment in your lives. And I love that you don’t leave out God, seeing as he is the one giving life. I cannot wait to be a mother one day and reading this has only made me yearn more for children of my own. I remember when you announced your pregnancy with Eleanor, and then with little Samson. And then with Conrad. And now here you are, a beautiful mother of three. How incredible to watch you all grow.

    Thank you again.

  4. Laura

    Whaaaaat, how is he one already?! Oh my. Happy birthday, sweet Conrad!

  5. K

    i started following your blog in 2007. its been so special to watch you and your family grow. thank you for sharing your world. You and your family are loved. happy birthday little C

    X,
    K

  6. Annika

    While I don’t believe in your God, I do appreciate your candor and your words describing your emotions are just beautiful. Please don’t stop sharing your thoughts and feelings as they are!

    And, of course, most importantly – happy birthday, Conrad!!

  7. Francesca

    Happy birthday Conrad! Tanti auguri from Italy!

  8. Kaylee

    As the first daughter of the family and a big sister to my two younger sisters, this post made me wonder about how my parents felt when they had all three of us! Thank you for your amazing post (as always), and
    Happy birthday Conrad :) xx

  9. Martucha

    Happy Birthday Conrad!!! :)

  10. Gita Anindita

    Happy birthday dear Conrad! Stay wonderful for many years to come! xxxx from Indonesia :)

  11. Sarah

    I feel the same way right after birth. (And in the days leading up to it actually but more intensly after birth.) It’s such a raw and open time. It’s beautiful. Happy Birthday to your little boy!

  12. Aw my goodness, such beautiful words and what a wee cutie patootie. In awe of how you remember all those parts so vividly. I’m only 2 babies in and definitely feel my own flaws but this was such a poetic and beautiful reminder we are all flawed. What matters is that we try our hardest despite the flaws, take strength from the smiles, baby giggles and spirit that surrounds us.

  13. Ariel

    something about this post just made me cry. Perhaps because we are expecting baby number 3, or because it made me remember my other 2 births, or because the most real God’s presence has ever seemed to me was during labour. I’ve never heard another mom say that.
    Anyways, didn’t mean to go all weird on you there. :) Being a mommy makes a girl cry pretty easily over stuff sometimes!

    Happy birthday, Conrad!

  14. Liza

    I like reading the God parts! And all the rest. Happy First birthday to Mr. Conrad.

  15. Goodness this post gave me a lump in my throat! Thought the chapter of motherhood is still a little while away for me, I love with how much honesty you share your experiences. I’ve said this a couple of times before but I mean it from the bottom of my heart that I am so thankful to get to learn from your family and by following for years and years you all have a place in my heart (and home). Lots and lots of love & happiest birthday to little C! <3

    Yara

  16. Aneesa

    This is just about the sweetest and most heartfelt post I have ever read. Bless you Naomi for loving your children with all your heart and soul. Reading your posts about motherhood always gets me excited and hopeful about such opportunities that would hopefully come my way as well. Thanks for bringing so much joy and happiness to this world that is suffering from much hate and ugliness at times! :-)

  17. Thank you

    This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing! And if anyone does roll their eyes about you mentioning God, well that’s their problem not yours! Motherhood is such a amazing thing and you evoked that sentiment beautifully

  18. Mary Katherine

    Happy Birthday Conrad!!

  19. Dot

    Beautiful memory and words you’ve shared… my little boy turned one recently & is also the beloved baby of our family – this brought a tear to my eye :)

    Happy first trip around the sun, little C!

  20. Allison shaw

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I’m glad you do share your testimony of those sweet and sacred moments!

  21. Danielle

    I always cry when your kids turn one. :) Thank you for sharing.

  22. Coloma

    Happy birthday!!

    It’s so funny cos I’ve been following you since a little bit more than a year ago and last year i didn’t realize but me and Conrad share birth day!! :-) that’s way he is such and amazing baby hihi ?
    I’ve been a mother since 6 months ago and i really understand what you are saying. It’s such an amazing experience. No words..!!
    Happy Holidays ?

  23. Cheryl

    Wow, what a beautiful post Naomi. very emotional and real. Happy birthday little Conrad. Babies are truly such a blessing and help form us to who we were meant to be. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Really, beautiful writing and reflection.

  24. Ariel

    Happy birthday, Conrad! I’ve been following your mamas blog for a long time now and getting to see you and your siblings grow up has been pretty awesome. You three always put a smile on my face. Hope your life continues to be beautiful and blessed. Happiest day to you little one. Xo

  25. Mary Jensen

    This is perfect. You are a fantastic mother and little Conrad really does look like such a happy baby all the time! Happy birthday to Conrad!

  26. Julianne

    It feels so weird because I’ve never met you and your family but I sit here reading this post with tears in my eyes. I’ve followed the blog for years and have never commented but felt like I should today. I’m so glad you did mention God, our Heavenly Father, in this post and the sacred role of family. I couldn’t agree more that those sweet infants are little bundles right from heaven. I don’t have a family of my own, I look forward to the day, but I am glad that you reminded us all that our families are sacred and that we’re all children of God. It can be easy to forget but that identity is the most important to remember. Thank you for this post, Naomi! And happy birthday Conrad! :)

  27. Kristen

    ^^^ Julianne’s words are so true. Happy Birthday Conrad! Watching you and your siblings and family grow with God is so special.

  28. Jennie

    oh taza this is a beautiful post. and i cannot agree more about the hours after birth. it has always been so powerful for me too. and the happiest times of my life. or maybe its the drugs. lol love you taza.

  29. Carla

    Aww this is the sweetest! When my first (and only one, for now!) was born last year I remember thinking you were just with our Heavenly Father! I still couldn’t fathom that she was just with Him and it just makes me all kinds of warm in my insides and I can’t help but feel so blessed and happy that she chose us and He is actually letting us raise her in this crazy world! Happy Birthday Conrad!

  30. This post made me cry! So beautiful. I admire your willingness to talk about your faith; it’s not always easy but always worth it. :)

  31. Happy Birthday!! Beautiful words momma!

  32. Elle

    This post was beautiful. My husband and I are trying to conceive and this makes me even more excited to welcome our own child into this world. Thank you for sharing.

  33. Michimidue

    Happy birthday little C!
    Being the third kid rocks. You’re such a cute little guy.

  34. this is so beautiful and so special! happy, happy birthday sweet conrad!!

  35. Mara

    I’m sitting here next to my two year old and cuddling my brand new from heaven two week old and know all too well everything you’re talking about. It’s an amazing and overwhelming responsibility, to be a mother. Thanks for sharing :) happy birthday Conrad! And happy first year to you too, momma.

  36. Ashley

    Thank you for sharing this Naomi! I am pregnant with my first baby and have had mixed emotions throughout my pregnancy but reading your very sweet and special experience has made me feel much more at ease and excited to experience my own sweet little baby’s spirit in those first few hours! Thank you again!

  37. melissa

    thanks for sharing! i felt the thinness of the veil after my first baby too, and it is such a miracle. thanks for helping me feel the spirit this morning, and happy birthday!

  38. Casey

    Well that got me emotional! Beautiful, thank you for sharing.
    Happy birthday Conrad xx

  39. Happy birthday to your precious baby, Conrad!

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us, it made me tear up.

    <3

  40. Ashley R

    Happy birthday to your little one! And sharing your faith is always a good idea :)

  41. Amen. Amen. It feels good to get it out, and I so needed to hear it today! Thank you for sharing and happy happy day to your sweet C. xo

  42. Sarah

    so beautiful! thanks for sharing, everyone tells me how much babies change your life but i don’t think i’ll be able to wrap my head around it until it actually happens. i can definitely imagine that it’s one of those moments where god really shows himself to us! happy birthday little guy, here’s to many more!

  43. Jenna

    happy birthday beautiful Conrad! What a lovely tribute from mother to son!

  44. Lauren Danielle

    I have been following your beautiful family for years. Big fan. As a young agnostic women, please don’t ever be ashamed for what you believe. That is not what the secular community stands for. Embrace it and discuss God whenever you feel the need! Love your families love.

  45. Bethany

    What a tender, touching post. Thank you for sharing!!

  46. Robyn

    I’ve never commented before but this post just really made me want to. You’ve shared your feelings with us in such a tender, personal way. God is love and and these precious wee babes He gives us prove it.
    Also, I really admire the way you live the gospel standards. You are a great example of a righteous lds mother raising her family. Thank you for dressing modestly always and not just for a “going to the temple on a date” picture, ya know? You are awesome. Keep being you, Taza!

  47. Aubry

    I love this. Thank you for sharing your intimate thoughts! So special.

  48. Laurine

    It’s always a pleasure to read you but I loved reading this post, it was so emotional, your words are beautiful.

    You’re such a good mama!

    Already one year! How time flies!

    Happy Birthday Conrad!

    Fondly from France

  49. Jessi

    Thank you for sharing this! You are such a breathe of fresh air and such an inspiration. Your kids are lucky to have you!
    Xo

  50. tilly

    happy 1st birthday conrad! what a wonderful year you’ve had with your family and friends!

  51. hanna

    Happy Birthday to Conrad –Hanna Lei

  52. Thank you, thank you for not leaving those sacred parts out of this post. I was moved to tears reading it, as it reminded me of the births of my two children. I never felt closer to God than those two births, and the three births I’ve assisted/photographed for friends. The veil certainly is so thin in those moments, and reminds me that these babies are just waiting in Heaven, ready to come to us. Happy Birthday, Conrad!

  53. Lauren Bee

    No eye-rolling from me. Your words and thoughts are beautiful and I’m so glad you share them.
    Happy birthday to Conrad! He sounds like a very special little man xx

  54. Marijana

    Happy birthday sweet boy! And mama, can we please get the recipe for the cake?
    My son´s 1st birthday is in January so I am looking for some ideas and recipes…
    xoxo

  55. Kelsey

    what beautiful words. it’s obvious you put your heart and soul into this post, as you do with your family. I love following along with you guys. happy 1st birthday conrad!

  56. ERIN

    This is one of the best blog posts I have ever read. It was so beautiful, I even started to tear up a little bit. Some of that may have to do with my husband and I welcoming our first baby – a boy – in just a few months. Lots of emotions over here, all the time, especially when it comes to baby boys. Thank you for sharing this – and so much of your family – with us.

  57. Angela

    Happy Birthday Conrad!

    Call me biased, but the 14th December is a good day for a birthday! ;)

    Lovely words Mrs D and a sweet insight into his D-day!

    http://theawkwardblog.com

  58. Hannah Chapman

    Dear Naomi,

    I love reading your blog, but this was my favourite post. I like hearing about God in those unexplainably joyous times. He seems like an incredible blessing to your family and them/you to him.

    Love to him on his special day.

    Hannah

  59. Rosa Conway

    Happy Birthday Conrad!
    I would just like to say that I think that you do a wonderful job of … I don’t know how to explain it but as someone who hasn’t yet found/believe in any distinct higher power, and who is a little averse to (but tries to be respectful of!) certain expressions and manifestations of organised religions, I think your incorporation of God into your blog, as one of the very important things in your life, is totally inoffensive, careful and as far from promoting/proselytizing or even recommending as you can get! It is YOUR blog, and if people want to know about your life then I think it’s unreasonable to pick faults like that! For me, I find it interesting although somewhat enigmatic (wasn’t brought up religious and find it difficult to make sense of in meaningful ways) to gain insight into how faith shapes your life and that of your family’s.
    For example, I was listening to a podcast in which a Morman woman was speaking about being a proxy for unbaptised, long-deceased ancestors, and in doing so described what her, and other Mormon temples are like. In listening I was reminded of various mentions you had made of temple visits, etc, and was really struck by how amazing and sacred it must have been for you and your husband when you had your sealing ceremony and spent some time trying to imagine what it might have been like, something which I would have been even further away from understanding if I hadn’t read your words. So, as someone who doesn’t follow Jesus, thank you for sharing about Him!

  60. Sarah

    I’m not a religious person, but it never bothers me to see that content in people’s blogs or posts, etc. There’s never a superior or condescending tone from what you say, which is what people roll their eyes at. Keep it up! It’s part of your experience, in motherhood and in life. :)

  61. Johanna

    Oh Taza, that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing, and especially the parts about God. I have so much respect for you that you will share this on your blog. I actually wish I knew more about your story with regards to religion. I grew up in a very catholic family and I still feel it, sometimes, but sometimes I feel that it is quite distant and I doubt. Anyway, congratulations on Conrad’s first birthday, you are doing morherhood with such grace.

  62. Emily F

    Goodness this made me cry! We had babies just a few weeks apart, my fourth, and you describe the feelings so perfectly. One of the hardest things about having my last baby is knowing I’ll never feel that sacred feeling again. It’s my favorite part of pregnancy and childbirth. Thanks for sharing your sweet feelings, and happy birthday Conrad!