“are you pregnant?”

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yesterday was one of those really weird days for me. someone tried to congratulate me in the hallway at church on “my pregnancy” and i found myself leaving early, trying my hardest to fight back a whole lotta stupid tears while i hoped no one could see what a mess i was on my way out.

why do people keep commenting on here and on instagram congratulating me on being pregnant or asking if i’m pregnant or trying to be the first person to discover that i’m pregnant?

i am not pregnant. i wish i was pregnant. but i am not pregnant.

if and when i’m pregnant again someday, i’m pretty sure i’ll share it. i mean, i blogged and over shared my way through something like that twice now and heaven knows i sure loved it. i really like being pregnant. and having babies. and being a mama.  it’s not for everyone, but it’s for me. and i’m grateful i’ve had the chance twice now.

i like to share, but then again, i also like being private. that might sound strange coming from someone who shares quite a few bits and pieces of her life with the public, but there are things that are harder for me to open up and talk about, even with close family members. i am still growing and learning everyday. i struggle daily with many things.  and there’s a whole list of stuff i just don’t feel comfortable chatting about in this space, at least not right now.  there are many courageous women online who talk about these things daily, everything from infertility and miscarriages to birth stories and family planning/child spacing. i can’t tell you how much strength i have found through many of their stories and voices. for a while i thought maybe i’m just not brave, if i’m not willing to share everything i’m going through like other ladies choose to do. but i don’t think that anymore. any woman, who goes through any step of pregnancy, birth, miscarriage, infertility, childrearing, you name it, is brave. so brave. whether she shares her full story publicly or holds it quiet for herself or her small circle of loved ones instead. my stories and anyone’s stories of childbearing are just as real and beautiful and difficult and miraculous and sucky and life changing. even if they’re not shared here or publicly.

i’ve been learning through my own experiences over the years and also through this weird pregnancy rumor that kind of took on a life of its own lately, a great lesson about how i want to interact on and off the web with friends and loved ones and people around me. there have been plenty of times in my own life where i’ve been insensitive or haven’t had the best etiquette when interacting with other people. i want to be more sensitive and thoughtful, especially when it comes to topics like this. we don’t ever understand or know someone’s situation entirely, and i want to make sure i’m helping those around me feel good about themselves and their situation. we women have a great power within us to build each other up, but sometimes human nature gets in the way and we kind of tear each other down through gossip or politics or critique instead. i am trying to work harder to respect my fellow women and their accomplishments and trials, and i aspire to lift and love every day.

i just thought i might share this here, because i’ve struggled with the whole conversation around women’s bodies and are you pregnant or why aren’t you pregnant and it’s my own right to know the inner details of your ovaries conversations since i was first married, to be honest. i guess i’m just a little bit tired of it.  i know sometimes people are genuinely curious and mean well with their speculations and when they try to congratulate, but sometimes these topics are a little bit sensitive, and they can really really hurt. i think these sorts of conversations can still happen, but there are kinder ways to go about them with friends or people online, without assuming you know what’s going on and jumping the gun to tell them so…

“ok sister, you look pregnant! show us that baby bump already.” how about no. how about i show you when i’m ready to show you and when there actually is a baby bump and in the meantime we stop making each other worry about if we look bigger or smaller or pregnant or 5 pounds heavier according to your opinion and be mindful that someone could be struggling with pregnancy or miscarriage and good grief an eating disorder and you aren’t helping her at all. can we just quit speculating altogether about each other? 

it’s been a good reminder for me, and maybe this can serve as a good reminder for you. we’re all doing our best, we’re all struggling with something, and we all deserve a kinder and gentler interaction with one another. i don’t know, i just can’t let go of any of these thoughts today so thank you, blog, giving me a place to unload…

so nope, not pregnant. winter was just really delicious. ;) thanks to many of you for your kind encouragement and support. i’m grateful for so many of you. i really truly am. and for this place to share bits and pieces of my life as a woman and wife and mother in the city as i try my best to press on each day as well as i know how. have a wonderful monday, friends.

  1. Erin

    I don’t know – I can really see both sides of this. I am not a mother, nor have I been pregnant but I know what it feels like to have people feel entitled to know about my personal life (35 and single…sheesh), making unfair assumptions and saying hurtful things. It royally stinks and I get really angry sometimes at having to defend or explain myself so often when it is something that is sometimes so painful to deal with personally in my head. I want people to know that I am enough, but all they can see is that my life is empty because I haven’t found the right person or had kids yet. It’s hard to be happy when people keep telling me how miserable my life is because I am not settled down yet. I am a teacher, so throw in the comments of hundreds of students, in addition to family and people at church, and you get the picture. So i can sort of relate.

    On the other hand, I can see where your fans and acquaintances might jump to conclusions, however unintentional they may have been on your end. When you share pictures of yourself kissing your husband, him napping with your children, of yourself in your grubbies (or at least your version of them ;) ) while joking about how you haven’t washed your hair in a few days, anniversaries and special dates, knowing fully that you have literally thousands of people checking in, you have invited them into private moments of your life. Because of the nature of your site, you COUNT on them checking in. Then posting teasers about having a surprise to share soon…

    It isn’t fair and it isn’t anyone’s business to assume. You’re right. But being this hurt when you put out teasers hoping to pique your readers interest and they just interpreted it wrong is also unfair. Based on this post, you can guarantee that there is new speculation now as to why this has bothered you so much. All you needed to say is (if speculation is what you don’t want), “I am not pregnant. Please don’t spread rumors.” Adding in a “Mind your own business” would have been a nice touch too.

    You continued on with a heartfelt and beautiful explanation that so many appreciate. I applaud you for that. You got down and personal. But you should also understand by now that the more personal you get, the more strangers feel entitled to your life. You unfortunately set a boundary that is unclear to the people who read your blog who have little else to do but get all up in your space.This is a great change to reevaluate though and change that boundary.

  2. Rosie

    Thank you Naomi for writing this.. I’ve been married for 6 years, and the whole time people are asking me ‘so when are you having babies?’ We have been trying for 5 years! it’s so stressful, I just wish some women were more sensitive. You have a lovely family and I do love following your journey. Chin up lady x

  3. Dainora

    this the first time i comment on your blog since we both were pregnant (you with Eleanor and I with my baby). I really like your blog, yours life stories in pictures and words. everything is so bright and full of joy. when i have bad days i come to see whats up so good at your family is going… :) everything seems just perfect about your family. but with this post and these genuine words you seemed to me like a REAL lady not the perfect picture any more. i completely agree with all you have said… and want to say, i like you now even more :) Wish you all the best. (Sorry for my broken english :) )

  4. Sophie

    I think people get a tad gutsy when behind a computer screen. You look beautiful babes; no bigger or smaller than usual and your usual is gorgeous. Thank you for sharing. X

    Sophie x

    http://your-girl-is-lovely.blogspot.co.uk

  5. mandee

    I don’t think the rumors were because you were gaining weight, you’re super tiny. I think they were because you seemed to wear looser fitting shirts that look like they *might* be hiding a bump. still totally tactless for people to just jump to that conclusion. anyway, you are beautiful and i totally look up to you, even though you are younger than me haha. waaay more mature, though.

  6. ricci

    take it easy, naomi. nobody really knows how someone comes up with the idea that you are pregnant again. on every pic you post you look great and in the best shape of your life :)
    but believe me, I really can relate to the (insulting) comments people utter sometimes – I am 32 and no husband or children far and wide…that seems to attract silly requests magically :/
    just enjoy the time with your beloved ones and answer those unpopular questions with a smugly smile ;)
    all the best for the 4 of you and thanks a lot for sharing your life, thoughts and moments (your words & pictures really help me to get over the dog days)! dearest greetings from frankfurt / germany

  7. Mitali

    Oh thank you thank you thank you for this post. I get asked if I am pregnant sometimes too. Haven´t lost the babyweight from three years ago which sucks and my belly looks pregnant sometimes. But I struggle with this enough as it is…when people ask if I am pregnant I just want to hide somewhere and never come out ever again.

  8. Resi

    Happy Spring Naomi! And cheers for honest posts on private issues. Thanks for sharing whatever you share – no need to feel pressured. Keep private what you want. Stay true to yourself :) the rest is just a little extra which we get to enjoy too. Cheers!

  9. Kristin

    As a newer mom – I have found that life becomes so much more challenging and I don’t know if this goes for all- but I became so much more sensitive. Life as a mom is tough. It is beautiful and wonderful and exhausted and demanding . And then you have the opinions of others constantly thrown at you. I too had a horrible Sunday full of stupid tears after family publicly made fun of a parenting choice I had made. All I can say is, when you feel this hurt and moved negatively , it is important to stand up for yourself and am glad to see you have done so. Otherwise , these feelings of inadequacy etc just build and build and it can be a dark way to live . So . I hope from this post you get some relief . Some weight off your back. And feel good about going forward . You know you are a good mom. Don’t forget it and don’t let anyone make you question it. People can be atrocious! Spring is officially next week…. Aka – warmer days and sunshine ahead to look forward to! Xo

  10. Megan

    I feel like there must be more to this story then you’ve divulged. Maybe the tone of the folks is different than I’m imagining? It just sounds to me like people were trying to be supportive. I really don’t understand why it’s so insensitive and wrong for someone to ask if you’re wanting to have more children. Ok maybe there’s some rumor you are and the person is wrong. I feel like most people would just be trying to be nice by congratulating you or asking you questions. What if you were pregnant and they congratulated you or asked you questions to show a sincere interest? Would that bother you? I’m sorry I just don’t think you’re being fair about this.

  11. Emily

    Hi, First time to comment. It seems simple, if you don’t want people interested in your private life, then don’t spend so much time and energy promoting your private life. You know?? You obviously put your family and kids on display purposely, for the public to see. You spend lots of time publicizing your personal life, yet you cuss people out when they feel part of your personal life?? If you don’t like it, stop blogging/instagraming to the whole world. It’s not rocket science.

  12. Natasha

    Not shure if you”re gonna read this at all, but i feel like writinig it anyways ;)

    I”ve read this article of yours twice now and just loved avery line of it. It”s so sincere and genuine, that”s why it is so touching.
    I”m a brazilian girl (yes, you”ve got some readers here) who has a completely differente life and ambitious from yours, and yet I”ve been reading this blog for about four years now and in some way I identify myself in here. You know why? Because of posts like this!

    I don”t know if you”re aware of that, but you and your familly are inspiring! Not only because of the beautiful pictures, neither the life in NYC, nor the perfect babies you have. It”s because you don”t even try to hide the fact that everyday life is a struggle, but most of all, it is still beautiful and worth the bad moments and unsureness and fails. That” why I keep visiting this blog. So I can remember this when I”m really down.

    Keep doing what you”ve been doing so far. You are inspinring! And in your way, you are making this world a better one.

    Kisses from Brazil!

    (PS: You should come down here next winter, since it will be summer here)

  13. Bonny

    I’ve been reading your blog for several years now, and it has always struck me that your blog although it may seem personal it isn’t the exclusive rights to your private life. There are definite things you keep private, which in my opinion is actually a lot. You and Josh do make beautiful babies, and Eleanor and Samson have stolen our hearts. You are adorable Naomi, and after reading some of the, “I have a right to defend myself and just be rude.” comments on here, just know they’re feeling guilty for crossing the line. Have a great day, and by the way aren’t you excited for spring and flowers and trees in bloom. I know I certainly am.

  14. LIZZIE

    Can I get an AMEN from the church?! Preach girl. I totally know where you’re coming from. Lift one another up, don’t push and pressure them down. You are simply lovely!

  15. Maureen

    So proud of you.
    Don’t listen to anyone else except yourself. You know exactly what to do and say. :)

  16. Whitney

    This was a breath of fresh air. :-) Thanks for posting.

  17. Donna

    Naomi,

    you are an amazing soul. you are beautiful. you are strong. that is all you need to know. you inspire people everyday by the amazing mother, wife and lady you are. I have followed this blog for years, not because of what you wear, or what you believe, or anything specific, but because you are you, such a great person that brings light to this world!

    much love,

    Donna

  18. Mallory

    I agree about the prying and you don’t deserve to be hurt or for people to be insensitive about your privacy. The woman, who was an acquaintance should have known better than to ask you and that was pretty rude. That said, you clearly desired some level of exposure–not saying the randos on the web are correct in saying “i’m pretty sure you’re pregnant and just not telling us” but also this IS the internet after all–your work is based on the internet and followers and without people caring about your life and your family and your own personal affairs, I’m not sure you’d have much of a following. In most cases, this is great because it gives you a community and a second family, but just like a family, there is going to be times when you feel like someone isn’t sensitive–again not saying these people have the right to know or question, but you must know that some level of this job is not going to be perfect–as is true with all jobs. I’ve also seen a few of the comments you mention and while sure they are inappropriate and showed a lack of sensitivity but I’m not sure anyone was trying to tear you down or even imply that you’ve put on five lbs. Part of me wants to say, “ugh I’m sorry people can make mistakes and be rude and that’s annoying” but also part of me wants to say “pick your head up, everyone’s job has a downside–don’t let this get to you so much.” Anyway, not trying to start anything controversial just wanted to give a different perspective.

  19. C

    Amen! Thanks for this post.

  20. Admittedly, with your previous post I had the thought “oh, maybe pregnant” after you said you had been feeling crumby and that you went to dinner as you had some things to celebrate. But then shortly thereafter I had the thought “Or, maybe was just sick and also had some things to celebrate.” Either way, none of my business. And not really a huge impact on my life. So, you know, either way all good. I read your blog because you take lovely photos and focus on the things I think are important in life. So keep up the good work. I think this post was a good reminder that we give each other our breathing space and take things at face value.

  21. Brooke

    I’m really just confused. Sometimes I look at you in the pictures you post and don’t understand how you’re so tiny. Not in a bad way, you look like a healthy woman who takes good care of herself and has a very svelte figure. But…..pregnant? I just don’t get that!!! If you said you WERE pregnant I’d have a hard time believing it.

  22. yoreney

    i remember seeing one of the comments in your instagram (the “are you pregnant” comment), the one where you were in a long coat, and i remember thinking : 1. i can’t even see your belly with that coat on, let alone a baby bump, if there was any. 2. you don’t look like you have a belly in other pictures (not even a “2 burgers large fries and some dessert” kind of bump.) so i was wondering what the fuss is all about.

    i gained close to 70lbs when i was pregnant with my 2nd and almost 2 years later still has 20lbs to lose. i’ve had a number of people asking me when i’m “due”. it does hurt especially knowing i work hard to lose the pounds. some people mean well, some are just plain ignorant to these things. please know that with belly bump or not, you look GORGEOUS! and most importantly healthy (all those walking and pushing a double stroller must’ve helped a lot ;))

    also, people, please remember that although this is a life blog (and the blogger choses to share her life with you), real life etiquettes still applied. and please bear in mind that although you may “feel” like you know naomi in real life but in reality, you don’t. you only saw the “edited” part of it.

  23. Michelle

    Seriously, it’s one of those things if you don’t hear it from the horses mouth don’t say anything!! Aside from that, I’ve never seen any pic of you and thought you look pregnant at all so please don’t feel bad about yourself because you really don’t look pregnant.

  24. Liz

    Thanks for this post and for all that you do share on your blog. So many people think that you and your little family are wonderful and inspiring. Sending love and good thoughts your way!

  25. Suze

    I AM 35 weeks pregnant with my second baby and all people seem to ask is “how much weight have you gained?” and “are you going to have more?” I’m sure people are well meaning, but you’re right and I totally agree with you – some questions just aren’t for saying. Anyway, well said post. I’m sure it was somewhat difficult for you to write and I’m sure some people will be offended but oh well. Way to be a great momma!

  26. Emma

    I couldn’t agree with you more! I am tired of people feeling as if a woman’s fertility/infertility/pregnancy etc is somehow open for public discussion.
    As someone who is pregnant right now and only recently shared the news at 18weeks, I was gobsmacked by how many times I had to evade the questions and roaming eyes. I even had people upset that I hadn’t shared earlier!
    As someone who experienced multiple miscarriages and troubles falling pregnant I wish more women would be sensitive to others and their right to privacy. This topic really gets me going!!
    Thanks for writing about it.

  27. You’re such an inspiration, Naomi,

    I started my blog almost two years ago and an aspect of this has been something that I’ve struggled with and continue to struggle with. People always ask why I don’t post about certain things and end their statement with, “your whole life is out there, it shouldn’t even be a big deal for you!’ But there are so many aspects of my life that are private and I want them to remain that way, but so many people have trouble understanding that.

    So thank you for this beautiful post. You are beautiful and all of your struggles and private matters are meant to be exactly that: private, unless you decide otherwise.

    Sending positive energy and vibes your way! <3

  28. Emily

    I commented earlier and it came across very rude. I’m sorry. I could have stated my point with kindness. Have a great day!

  29. mw

    I cannot imagine someone thinking you LOOK pregnant. Woman, you’ve got a fab bod. I’m sure the tears had more to do with wishing you were pregnant rather than looking like you might be pregnant, but either way you’ve got a lot of ladies on your side; take comfort in that.

  30. Lynette

    This post, this post was brave.
    Good for you.

  31. Elle

    This is exactly what i needed to hear. Thank you for being so brave & expressing what I have always needed the courage to say. :)

  32. Kristin

    I love everything about this post. Thanks for sharing.

  33. Robin

    Sending lots of warm vibes your way :) Thanks for this post.

  34. Paulina

    I think people often just don’t understand the way you write about your life. I love your blog because you wrtite about things as they are today not how they will be tomorrow. I love that. But some people need to be ensured about another great day that you are gonna have in your life tomorrow and it’s not how life works right? We never know… Best wishes to you and your family :)

  35. amy

    I love this!! I think people forget sometimes that sometimes we don’t want to share, and that’s okay. Especially on topics that may be a bit touchy for some.
    I love this post Naomi!!

  36. Alex

    Oh, I’ve sooooo been there. I feel every single word of yours. Just breathe deeply, look at your wonderful kids and enjoy your family. Thanks for sharing!

  37. Holland

    You are so inspiring. Just know that your story, some parts private and some public, is powerful. You are so very brave. Thank you.

  38. Thays

    I wish you have the strength to go through “debate” about you having the right for privacy or not. It’s ridiculous! You are indeed very brave to establish a line for what you feel comfortable sharing, and I admire you for thaht

  39. Such an important point to make. I was recently surprised to see many instagramers asking Kendi from Kendi Everyday if she were pregnant. I was mortified for her as I knew it was probably just the past few tops she’d chosen to wear that were loose. As someone who has chosen not to have kids it is so tiring to be asked over and over…no one seems to like my answer and I want to say The why did you ask!?

  40. jen

    fantastic post Naomi! I too can be a somewhat private person when it comes to certain areas of my life and it’s hard when people make assumptions. we never truly know what someone may be going through! xo

  41. This is was so wonderful. I really appreciate you sharing. I know many can relate, including myself.

    Keep up. You are in my prayers, and I have much respect for you.

    Victoria @ http://www.thesoutherntrunk.com

  42. My ex-stepmom once had a woman at church say that she was glowing and pregnant. There were several things wrong with this–(1) it was just too crass to say to someone without any reason (2) she was a bit overweight and sensitive to it (3) my dad got the snippity-snip so that was irrelevant. It really irked her and it made the woman look like an insensitive jerk (it didn’t help she has a bit of a loud personality, anyway). Some people just love to speculate about weight or mention it when they notice it. Through my own body image issues, I’ve learned to not say anything about someone else’s weight, because it’s rude and it doesn’t help that person. When I lost a bunch of weight, people were so happy for me. But they forget I did that for me, not them. And the way they were raving made that little anxious bird in the back of my mind sound off the “was I not good enough before?” alarm. Which is silly, and they’re only trying to congratulate you, but weight is just such a tricky thing because of how much it’s connected to confidence. And when it comes to children, miscarriages, etc., you’re absolutely right… You never know what’s going on with someone fertility-wise or if they’re in the process of trying or if they’re scared of getting pregnant at all. Don’t worry them with their comments.

    At the end of the day, we all just need to live our lives and worry less about others’. When something good or bad happens, trust that if you matter, you’ll hear about it. Until then, don’t speculate, assume or gossip.

  43. Dianna

    5 year fan | first time commenting

    High five, Naomi! Beautifully put. Thanks for reminding us all to be kinder and more considerate. I hope, if anything, most readers will take that message from this incredibly brave post you’ve written, rather than focusing on the simplicity of the pregnancy question itself. Not that that wasn’t rude and hurtful (because I know it is), but it’s about privacy and etiquette and boundaries and respecting that regardless of your high blogger status. And, of course, being more sensitive in our interactions with one another in general. Good on you for sticking up for yourself!

    I imagine it must be difficult to be in your shoes at times; with the struggle and torment you may feel in things you share, and possible backlash after being so vulnerable. Whatever you do, don’t get hung up on the very few comments here challenging your message or trying to invalidate your standpoint simply because you choose to share your personal life via that lovely blog of yours. Just know, the reason you have such a tremendous following is because you are one amazing person! A terrific mother, a talented blogger and you’ve got such a positive way of sharing while still keeping it real. The outpour of supporting comments is a true testament to just how awesome you are! Big hugs!!!

  44. Holly

    Thank you for being the voice for so many women on this topic! I am a single female, and the whole when-are-you-going-to-get-married, -what-about-kids, are-you-going-to-be-single-your-whole life thing comes way too often & gets old after awhile.
    I admire your ability to speak so eloquently about this topic. As women, we need to support each other in our personal decisions on the path we each choose to take and not invade in others’ business about these things!

  45. Olivia

    I have followed your Instagram and blog for a bit now and enjoyed your adventures and young family. Blogging is a tough gig as you essentially have to sell yourself and family (personal choice) to an audience in order to garner both a following and ad revenue.
    Unlike many celebrities, you made a conscious choice to capitalize on selling your persona as well as your family. Eventually it leads to unwanted and unwelcomed attention as you have recently experienced.
    It would appear you are at a critical juncture in your young life.
    As captivating as the positive validations are, it is you who must determine your self worth. Perhaps it’s time to move forward, be grateful for what you had and focus on getting you and your family out of the spotlight. Perhaps then, you will have the peace you so very deservedly need.
    Namaste

  46. Allie

    Thank you for sharing. It seems everyone in my life is pregnant right now – old and new friends, family, and even several bloggers I follow. Some handle it gracefully and some completely inundate social media on a daily basis with every single detail. I struggle with feeling genuine joy for most because I want it so badly for myself (but spouses aren’t always in the same place sadly). I am so tired of being asked about it from everyone, even complete strangers and appreciate you shedding light on this and encouraging more sensitivity.

    I hope over the next few weeks more people can just focus on your sweet family and be respectful of your privacy. Sending loving thoughts and air hugs from down south!

  47. Julie B

    I’m not sure if you read through all these comments, but I just have to say that a think you are well within your rights to feel exactly as you do. As someone who’s personally suffered a miscarriage, and with many friends who have had infertility difficulties, I am so aware of how these questions can be received, even when people don’t mean it maliciously–it’s still hurtful. I’m sure putting your life out there in such a public way encourages people to ask questions they wouldn’t normally feel they have to write two, which must be very difficult. I think it is so wonderful and brave that you do what you do on a daily basis. I love coming to your blog so much and I have my own little Eleanor and love comparing their journeys.

  48. Janna

    I love you so! I’m a big girl…I gained a bunch of weight after a severe spine injury. I’m very fit and spine is strong enough to work on it but losing weight is a slow process. Because of this spine issue I can’t have children. This makes it especially painful when people ask if I’m pregnant. I feel stupid and upset and after I say “nope, just fat….can’t have babies bad spine=tubal ligation”, they feel stupid and upset too. Why can’t people just be respectful and take cues from others? I think you look spectacular and if you gained weight….I can’t see it. Your body is magical, your children a sparkling stars, and you letting me perk into your life allows me to see motherhood. A view I will never have. Thank you for sharing…your blog means a lot to me. I send you light and love….and I pray for those who accidentally hurt us with their stupidity.

  49. Rose J.

    I was asked the same question a couple of weeks ago, and surprising as it may sound it didn’t bug me. Maybe it’s because I’m 42, and have learned to not let things get to me. It doesn’t help having had two c-sections which resulted in a muffin top, and I can see why this certain question was asked…plus she asked me only because she knew that I had been trying for another baby, but that was two years ago.

    Anyway…try not to let certain comments consume you, in time you’ll learn to let things go, but I’m sure it’s hard with the tons of followers you have following your every move!

    Take care, and thanks for your post. I’m sure it will help many young women out there who have personal issues as to why they aren’t pregnant!

    xo

  50. Livi

    It’s awesome that you shared this! It’s totally your prerogative to decide which details you keep/share in your life, and everyone needs to be respectful of that! Just because you’re awesome enough to have a blog, its not everyone’s business to know everything about you!

  51. Kristie

    so proud of you for speaking out about this. some “people” at church are so insensitive. i too, had fertility issues and WOW, people got in my business WAY too much. your site is a breath of fresh air. your family is darling!

  52. Maggie

    Uh what the heck?? You are one sexayyy mama! If you are pregnant, then I am about ready to pop… and I’m not even pregnant. Plus, you do what you want and feel is best. People are cray sometimes and feel like they can tell you what you should be doing. I get that all the time. You go girl!

  53. Anna

    We lost our first son a few years ago, and agonizingly, were unable to get pregnant again for some time. we were left childless. Oh the questions we endured! Are you pregnant, or worse, aren’t you pregnant? And worse and worse and worse. I couldn’t bear to repeat them. I know it is easy to make careless comments, but Hopefully this post has made all its readers think twice about pregnancy remarks and will save someone the grief of an unwelcome question.. You cannot possibly know who has endured what.

    Happily, our home is now full of the most beautiful toddler banter, and another sweet addition is on her way. Can’t wait.

  54. Jacquie

    What a sweet message. The past few years I saw my engagement, marriage, every detail of my life, to now my first pregnancy — AND I’m not on facebook/social media — somehow be known by “everyone” before I could announce it to more than one or two people. I actually saw a gmail chat occur between someone who I would consider a colleague share my special news the moment I told her (or rather, she saw the ring on my finger) and it was one of the weirdest infringements on my own sense of control I’ve ever experienced. I never know how to stand up to this.
    I really appreciate how you expressed this issue as one of respect, and building each other up. It seems those in healthcare fields are so much better about this, because their jobs require a respect for privacy and confidentiality, I’ve noticed. But it is perhaps a sensibility that has become lost in the modern info-share that is social media, unfortunately.

  55. Kathryn

    You could be talking to someone who’s completely broken and not even realize it. <3

  56. Heather

    I have loved your blog for years, Naomi and I think you’re a great, strong woman!

  57. Naomi, I am sure since I am comment 3 bagillion it won’t be read but just in case and just in case the previous three bagillion didn’t do it for you I just have to say I am so very glad you hold some things private. Your life is YOURS what you choose to share is lucky for us and we enjoy it but I feel like in order to keep it special some things should be held close. My friend Rubi just had her home shared in a magazine. She said in the end it was a horrible experience and she almost didn’t want to live in her home any more. Now her private special spaces were splashed across a magazine and people were contacting her trying to find out where to get all her decor, special pieces she had slowly procured. Your life and blog is much the same. I am sure you are emailed and asked constantly where samson got socks or E got shoes or you got a hat. While copying is flattering it can also be wearing. And don’t even get me started on the looking pregnant thing. After briefly meeting you in Paris and following the blog all I kept thinking was man this girl has a rockin metabolism! Keep on doing exactly what you are doing and more of what makes you happy!

  58. Cat

    Yup. And honestly, thank you. Well-meaning questions can lead to tears in very short order on this topic. i found myself responding to my husband’s well-meaning aunt’s question, “When are you having another?!” over the holidays with “well, I just had a miscarriage so I don’t know” and realizing I needed to be better with this topic too. How about just “your toddler is precious” and don’t ask when/if/why we’ll have more. But I have asked similar questions in the past and wonder who I’ve hurt. We all need to give each other a little space on this topic. And trust us – you’ll know when you know. So don’t ask about a potential baby just ask how we’re doing. I too love being a mother and wife but I am more than that, and asking how I am is ok too:)

    Thanks so much for sharing. It kinda made my day.

  59. Marlene

    It’s such a coincidence you wrote this post at the time you did. I went through three pregnancies and gained 60 lbs with my first one. I went from 95 lbs to 155 lbs when I delivered my son. I thought I would be like my mom and sis and shrink back to a size 2 at 3 months after delivering and not get any stretch marks…I was highly mistaken. I would lose all my weight after each pregnancy but could never lose my lower pouch. I was so self conscience of it and on so many occasions had people ask me is I was pregnant. I debated for years if I should get a tummy tuck to remove the pouch and the stretch marks, it bothered me that much! It didn’t bother my husband at all, only me. I know how hurtful it feels when someone comments your physical appearance. It also bothered me that I let it get to me. That I let my vanity affect how I felt about myself but let’s face it, we live in a society where being thin and beautiful does make a difference in how we feel about ourselves, at least to some extent. I did decide to go through with the tummy tuck and just had it this past Friday. I felt ready finally. I felt that I was at a point where if I didn’t get it I still felt beautiful inside and out.

  60. kristy manton

    I am comment number 359 on this post and we are all ‘Team Taza!’

  61. Heather

    I hear you. I’ve struggled with infertility as well, and everyone thinks it’s their business. The worst is when they give advice, as if I HADN’T thought of trying to “relax” or “take vitamins”!! Thanks for sharing your heart.

  62. Freckles

    Heck I got asked this the other day for pinning maternity inspiration on a board in Pinterest if I was pregnant. Would I like to have a child? Yes. Is it the right time for a child? No. My friend was so relieved. What would happen if I was pregnant, would she disown me as a friend? I went through a rough time with my fiancé last spring and gained about 20 lbs within a short period of time and got asked questions then. One side of my family feels the need to tell everyone’s little secrets even if you ask them not to tell. Reason? Because we are family and they have a right to know. I like having privacy too at least within the realm with our small and broken family. I have gone through a lot over the past couple of weeks and what I don’t want is EVERYONE knowing. They send you “oh I’m so sorry”and “we are here for you” but no one understands it better than you and other people need to realize that. I have been following your blog since a little after E was born and I absolutely love these deep posts because it makes me feel like that I am not the only person going through something and feels the same way. Thank You :)

  63. Brianne

    Thank you.

  64. Ady

    You are amazing, Naomi. <3

  65. Lindsay

    Love this Naomi! It’s amazing how much hate can come from the internet and you have absolutely every right to feel upset about it.

  66. Natalie

    THIS. is. brave.

    Thank you.

  67. Amy

    Okay, whoa…you rock. I have so much respect for you. What you said was straight forward and meaningful and sweet and so honest. Thank you for your blog, thank you for being selective in what you do and don’t share. No one has a right to know what you choose not to share and everyone should just be in Awe and grateful for what you do share with us –because it’s amazing! I like what the one person commented where they said “some people are doing to love you and some are going to love to hate you”. People will be jealous at your incredible life and some how think by breaking you down with insensitivity that they’ll in turn be better. Just stop people.
    You are gracious, beautiful (inside and out), caring loving mother (Wow!), kind, and just an old soul. That’s why everyone loves you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and heart.
    It is an important reminder to all us women to be ever sensitive about these tender topics. Let us be more kind.
    Thank you Naomi. God Bless you and the beautiful Davis family. :)

  68. Naomi,

    Beautiful.
    Authentic.
    Couldn’t have said it better.

    I have been a long-time reader of your blog (since 2008, I believe?), and like many I’m sure, feel like I have “gotten to know you.” I think if we we lived in the same city, we’d probably be friends. BUT, what people need to understand is that no matter how much they FEEL like they know you, they don’t. And they don’t need to know every detail of your life, or speculate what details the future holds. I am so, so sorry that you have to deal with such nosy, ignorant comments. I hope that by posting this, you have awakened something in people everywhere that will make them realize how inappropriate the “Are you pregnant?” question is.

    Please, PLEASE, please know that so many of your readers respect and support you. I am sorry for whatever it is you are going through, and just know you have every right to feel sad about the yearning you have to be pregnant. Whether it’s miscarriage or infertility or whatever reason, do not feel like you have to explain. Don’t let anyone make you feel that there is some spectrum of sadness for the obstacles that prevent someone from being pregnant.

    Thank you again for this post. You are AMAZING.

  69. Jennifer

    I rarely ever comment on a blog post, but BRAVO and THANK YOU!! I appreciate every word you said and support it all. Women’s bodies are beautiful and amazing in so many ways, and sometimes our society spends too much time analyzing them and objectifying them (oftentimes when the speaker doesn’t even realize it). I hope for my daughter that we get to a point when we notice women’s bodies less, and their abilities and minds and personalities more. All of us have our own personal journeys and that needs to be respected and supported. Thoughtfulness and courteousness are always appreciated and often too scarce.

    Take care and keep writing!

  70. Anna

    Wondering why you do not capitalize your I… Of course it is trendy and all, but are you for real?

  71. Margaret

    “when God sees you doing your part, developing what He has given you, then He will do His part and open doors that no man can shut”

  72. Julia Romero

    You tell them girl ! People truly need to be more mindful of what they say… i am sorry this person was this inappropriate/ insensitive, but I am happy you spoke your mind and got it out of your system !

    Love your blog. Tons of happy thoughts coming your way !

  73. Lauren H.

    Yes, I think everyone would agree it’s pretty forward to ask a woman if she is pregnant point blank or congratulating them unless you have heard from their very own mouth say, “I’m pregnant.” Plain and simple. But, at the same time, as an author of a lifestyle blog that you have chosen to be very public with, also allowing comments from absolutely anyone and everyone on both your blog and Instagram, it’s hard to feel very sorry for you. In fact, I’m trying really hard not to be ticked that you actually felt entitled to whine about it (regardless of whatever private trials you may be going through). Point is, you’re gonna have people asking dumb questions and saying things that are offensive and that you don’t like about your very public life for as long as you choose this lifestyle. It happens to “normal” people so you’d better bet it’s only gonna be worse for someone in the limelight like yourself. It sucks, I’m sure, but that is the price of being a “celebrity,” a status you choose and work really really hard for. You are your very own paparazzi for crying out loud! And you make a damn good living because of all your followers, including the rude and crazy ones. I enjoy reading your blog, but if I am supporting your family by reading, the last thing I want to see is a long reprimanding post because a small handful of people speculated that you were pregnant. The very people who contribute to your living, and who most likely commented with good intent. Wouldn’t a simple reply to the crazy ones, “No, I’m not pregnant.” suffice? Or better yet, ignore it altogether, because you must know – it will only get worse the bigger you become?And while I think the lady in your ward was not the smartest for congratulating you on your non-pregnancy, I genuinely hope she doesn’t read your blog with you publicly calling her out, when I am sure she only had good (ignorant, but still good, I’m sure) intentions. Yikes! So, whats the point of my comment? The point in me writing this is that hopefully, HOPEFULLY, you’ll consider another side to this whole scenario. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way, but it is much harder to say it without your posse attacking in return, which is why I think nobody dares. Good gracious! Off my soapbox now. Good day.

  74. MM

    I think this is because you instagramed saying that you and your husband had things to celebrate. I am not saying people’s reaction is justified, but remember that people love following you and something exciting for you is exciting for them so when you make comments public like that they want to believe that something exciting is happening for you.

    I think this was a great and honest post, but also don’t think it is necessary 100% other people’s fault

  75. hanalei

    You probably have no time to read all these but….

    Agreed. Trying to be a little bit better than I have been, and figuring out how much I feel comfortable sharing online as well. Women are beautiful no matter what struggle or celebration they are going through, thank you for saying so & sharing how you feel!

  76. Carolyn

    Naomi! I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this post and how I was just nodding all of the way through it. Sometimes I can’t believe the amount of speculation I read online about you and whether or not you’re pregnant. To a reader/writer I can understand how these comments may seem harmless but to the person who is actually being accused, it’s embarrassing, heart breaking almost and it can make you feel so incredibly insecure/vulnerable.

    Thank you for spending the time to write this. It was really well articulated and, ugh I just loved the amount of girl power!

  77. Stephanie Berg

    Just relax!!! And laugh!!!!!

  78. Thank you so much Naomi, for sharing this. Your tenacity is appreciated. My heart goes out to you.

  79. edit goralsky

    But seriously, you should be more upset you lack an age appropriate understanding of English Grammar and the rules regarding capitalization.

    Maybe focus more on improving yourself so you can be a better teacher to your children than worrying about what others think or if the hidden meaning of their questions is that you’ve gained weight.

    Here’s a link you may find useful:
    http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/capital.asp

    And a hint – google “shift” key

  80. susanna

    After being married it soon started… ‘You surely will be having kids soon, won’t you?!’ After the birth of our daughter it continued: ‘Won’t you have a second child?’ Five years later I had a miscarriage which affected me and my husband very, very much. ‘When will you be trying again?’
    I stopped listening to those people, I stopped answering their inappropriate and insensitive questions, I started to ignore those people. And I’m much better and stronger now. :)

  81. i have the most pregnant looking body. permanently. people ask/congratulate me on it ALL the time since i was 19. just nope. i really appreciate this post.

  82. AP

    It’s happened to us all which is why we should all try to be more understanding (on both sides – the person asking “are you pregnant?” and the questioned). The issue here is being secure with yourself and your place in the world- again something we are all working on all the time, We can’t control other people but we do have control over the way we respond. I doubt many of your readers have bad intentions in asking/caring. Nobody’s perfect and let’s all be thankful for what we do have.

  83. Katie

    Sending hugs and love to you!

  84. Mari

    Thank you. I know I’ve cried many times over not being able to get pregnant and thoughtless words just don’t help. I know most mean well and some don’t…but sometimes it can just be too much. Hugs

  85. Lucie

    Whatever you are or aren’t Naomi – you look beautiful as you always do. You see like such a loving Mama to Eleanor and Samson and I love peeking into your life through your blog. But i also fully understand and respect your privacy. You’re being kind enough to share snippets of your life with us. Nobody should demand to know anything that you don’t feel happy to share. Sending hugs for support sweet lady!

  86. Gabriela

    thank you thank you! (o wait, I also did not use CAPS!)

    Same goes for commenting on women who do or don’t breast feed. Chill out people, everyone is trying their best. You never know someone’s story.

  87. Jennifer

    this is beautiful.

  88. Carrie

    Hello Naomi – I have been reading your blog for a few months now and view it as a weekly dose of grace, optimism and joy so thank you! And, thank you again for reminding us all of the importance of empathy when we know someone’s circumstances and sensitivity and discretion when we don’t. As someone who experiences constant judgement (I work outside the home, have a 3-year-old with autism and two stepdaughters who spend weekends and holidays with us so I am well used to being on the receiving end of criticism – some well meant, some not – and speculation), I often wonder why we (as in women) do this to each other and ourselves. Few people’s lives are exactly what they seem and everyone, no matter how “charmed” their existence may seem, has moments of trial and sadness. Thank you for giving us all a gentle reminder to be kind and to try, in those moments before we speak, to apply courtesy, common sense and compassion.

  89. Laura

    There are hundreds of people following you, just because you’re you. You are having people from around the world wanting to collaborate with you just because you are just such a lovely you.

    I’ve been randomly following your blog from the beginning with your cute little engagement tent and think it’s so fun to catch a peek into a charming little family with a lifestyle so different than my own. Thanks for sharing it with us and dealing with all the nastiness that must come with being a blogelebrity (just made that up).

    And p.s. I wish I was pregnant too ;).

  90. Laura

    And oh my gosh. I just read some of the comments above me. Holy mean! Mean mean mean. I don’t know how you do it girlfrand. Kudos to you man. Seriously people.

  91. Niec

    You have NO idea how incredibly relevant and thoughtful and perfect this post was for me (and I’m sure plenty of other women who struggle through a plethora of issues) great post, and thank you!

  92. chelsea

    I don’t comment often but can I just say GOOD GRIEF! If a person at all thinks that you have any kind of “bump” they are out of their damn mind-

    You are gorgeous, not that you need anyone to tell you that.

    This post just really lit a fire under my tail. I hate that you had to go through this garbage. It’s disgusting.

    Your heart swim suit is adorable though! Where’s it from?

  93. Zach

    Hi Naomi.

    I am a nineteen-year-old senior in high school. If you’re reading this you are probably asking why would a teenager be reading your blog. Well, first of all, I found you on Instagram. I absolutely adore your children. Your family is beautiful. To be honest with you, I want my family life to be similar to yours. The adventures you go on as a family are so inspiring. You have a deep passion for what you believe in. I am a Christian, and I believe that the family is just about everything. Everything as in morals, values, love, nurture, care, etc… It’s all just beautiful.

    Naomi, I think you are a beautiful, strong, brave, creative woman. You make one heck of a mother. You love them unconditionally, and it is beautiful. There may be tough times, but your children will always love you, As you have loved them.

    Naomi, you are so right. The speculation needs to stop. It’s inappropriate. However, it won’t stop, unfortunately. You just have to be brave in this world, and that is exactly what you are doing.

    You are being brave for your children and for youself. That is unspeakable beauty. That is why I admire you and your family.

    God bless. From a sensitive teenage boy.

  94. Chelsey

    Oh I love this post! You are an amazing woman, and an incredible mother! Thank you for posting something like this… I have to some small extent been going through this as well lately. Being married for a year and living in Provo pretty much the first thing people ask me is when I’m going to have a baby. When it’s not anyone’s business. Anyhow. Thank you. You are wonderful!!!

  95. michelle

    You are beautiful. 5 lbs, 10 lbs or 50 lbs heavier. Thank you for the inspiration and words of encouragement. You’re great and i love your blog!

  96. Erin

    At the age of 14, I was riding in an elevator, when a woman in a BRIGHT PURPLE two-piece suit asked me when I was due. Her question made me cry after I left the elevator, and I wondered why she would think someone my age was pregnant! Needless to say, I never wore that ill-fitting shirt again.

    You’ve had TWO babies, and have such an enviable personal style and body type! You’re doing amazingly well, and I think people are just so fan-crazy that they want to be up on the newest event before it even happens.

  97. Amanda H.

    girl…by no means do you look…”puffy”! i bet it’s just the way clothes are. i have a dress that makes me look like i’m pregnant when in reality i am not (will never be. all of our children will be coming through adoption). that little “poof” that comes from the material. so maybe that’s what people are seeing? because seriously…i want to have your body! lol i would LOVE to be a dancer and be eloquent like you. so please do not think it’s pounds. it’s not.

    people will ALWAYS be idiots! lol that’s how it will always be. making such idiotic remarks. no one ever learns. just know it’s truly not you. probably just a way a piece of material was.

    it’s like that FRIENDS episode where monica wears that over size shirt and people keep asking if she’s pregnant. by the third person asking she says “no! but i’m throwing this shirt away!” lol that’s where i think these fools are thinking it.

    so no no girl. you are just perfect!

  98. Emily

    “any woman, who goes through any step of pregnancy, birth, miscarriage, infertility, childrearing, you name it, is brave. so brave. whether she shares her full story publicly or holds it quiet for herself or her small circle of loved ones instead.” – YES. Oh thank you for this post. While this is a fun world, blogland, it’s a really weird one too. I love getting to know other bloggers and my readers, but we have to know that no, not all of us share everything… not every part of our lives and who we are is what we write about. ((HUG)) to you!

  99. Samantha

    You are all grace and poise. Bravo sweet lady.

  100. mary p.

    I have been a reader for almost six years now – yours was the first blog I really started reading on a regular basis. I have so much respect for you as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, and as a blogger. you provide so much inspiration for my own life – and as I embark on planning my wedding and hopefully eventual becoming a mother this conversation is one I am expecting and, to be honest, even dreading a little bit.

    I love your honesty. thank you for being such an inspiration!