“are you pregnant?”

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yesterday was one of those really weird days for me. someone tried to congratulate me in the hallway at church on “my pregnancy” and i found myself leaving early, trying my hardest to fight back a whole lotta stupid tears while i hoped no one could see what a mess i was on my way out.

why do people keep commenting on here and on instagram congratulating me on being pregnant or asking if i’m pregnant or trying to be the first person to discover that i’m pregnant?

i am not pregnant. i wish i was pregnant. but i am not pregnant.

if and when i’m pregnant again someday, i’m pretty sure i’ll share it. i mean, i blogged and over shared my way through something like that twice now and heaven knows i sure loved it. i really like being pregnant. and having babies. and being a mama.  it’s not for everyone, but it’s for me. and i’m grateful i’ve had the chance twice now.

i like to share, but then again, i also like being private. that might sound strange coming from someone who shares quite a few bits and pieces of her life with the public, but there are things that are harder for me to open up and talk about, even with close family members. i am still growing and learning everyday. i struggle daily with many things.  and there’s a whole list of stuff i just don’t feel comfortable chatting about in this space, at least not right now.  there are many courageous women online who talk about these things daily, everything from infertility and miscarriages to birth stories and family planning/child spacing. i can’t tell you how much strength i have found through many of their stories and voices. for a while i thought maybe i’m just not brave, if i’m not willing to share everything i’m going through like other ladies choose to do. but i don’t think that anymore. any woman, who goes through any step of pregnancy, birth, miscarriage, infertility, childrearing, you name it, is brave. so brave. whether she shares her full story publicly or holds it quiet for herself or her small circle of loved ones instead. my stories and anyone’s stories of childbearing are just as real and beautiful and difficult and miraculous and sucky and life changing. even if they’re not shared here or publicly.

i’ve been learning through my own experiences over the years and also through this weird pregnancy rumor that kind of took on a life of its own lately, a great lesson about how i want to interact on and off the web with friends and loved ones and people around me. there have been plenty of times in my own life where i’ve been insensitive or haven’t had the best etiquette when interacting with other people. i want to be more sensitive and thoughtful, especially when it comes to topics like this. we don’t ever understand or know someone’s situation entirely, and i want to make sure i’m helping those around me feel good about themselves and their situation. we women have a great power within us to build each other up, but sometimes human nature gets in the way and we kind of tear each other down through gossip or politics or critique instead. i am trying to work harder to respect my fellow women and their accomplishments and trials, and i aspire to lift and love every day.

i just thought i might share this here, because i’ve struggled with the whole conversation around women’s bodies and are you pregnant or why aren’t you pregnant and it’s my own right to know the inner details of your ovaries conversations since i was first married, to be honest. i guess i’m just a little bit tired of it.  i know sometimes people are genuinely curious and mean well with their speculations and when they try to congratulate, but sometimes these topics are a little bit sensitive, and they can really really hurt. i think these sorts of conversations can still happen, but there are kinder ways to go about them with friends or people online, without assuming you know what’s going on and jumping the gun to tell them so…

“ok sister, you look pregnant! show us that baby bump already.” how about no. how about i show you when i’m ready to show you and when there actually is a baby bump and in the meantime we stop making each other worry about if we look bigger or smaller or pregnant or 5 pounds heavier according to your opinion and be mindful that someone could be struggling with pregnancy or miscarriage and good grief an eating disorder and you aren’t helping her at all. can we just quit speculating altogether about each other? 

it’s been a good reminder for me, and maybe this can serve as a good reminder for you. we’re all doing our best, we’re all struggling with something, and we all deserve a kinder and gentler interaction with one another. i don’t know, i just can’t let go of any of these thoughts today so thank you, blog, giving me a place to unload…

so nope, not pregnant. winter was just really delicious. ;) thanks to many of you for your kind encouragement and support. i’m grateful for so many of you. i really truly am. and for this place to share bits and pieces of my life as a woman and wife and mother in the city as i try my best to press on each day as well as i know how. have a wonderful monday, friends.

  1. Sara

    How is it possibly in 2014 people have still not caught onto the fact that it is rude and invasive to ask a woman if she is pregnant?

  2. Sanna

    Go Naomi! So well written. Hugs

  3. erica

    I needed this post. This is literally a page out of my life. thank you

  4. Molly

    Thank you for writing this at just the right moment. Know that your vulnerability has made a lot of other women feel better understood and not so alone.

    I am, in fact, pregnant and I’ve been astonished by the golden ticket it has been for people to comment on my body. Suddenly, everyone’s a doctor. I’m carrying low, I’m about to burst, actually I’m quite small, my belly is pointy, or it’s so perfectly round, and all these things mean something about my health or how I’ve been caring for myself.

    Perhaps, unless we’re medical professionals (or close friends with a genuine concern), we keep our comments to ourselves. We’re all interesting enough to find another avenue to connect to each other unrelated to something as obvious as a person’s physical state.

  5. Makayla

    Naomi, i have been a follower of your blog for a few years now, but i rarely comment. I would just like to thank you for posting this. I have only been married for a year, and straight away the questions start about when we are having a baby. I am a bit sick of people at church assuming that i am pregnant, or constantly checking to see if i am pregnant, especially as we are struggling with infertility. It is definitely something that i think people need to be more sensitive about. I am trying to be braver about the topic, but i still feel sensitive if people bring things up to me.
    Thank you for your post. Love your blog.
    :)

  6. I want to give you a giant hug. You inspire with everything from your words of wisdom, to your style to how much you love your littles. While this is a public fourm you deserve respect and kindness. It is never a bad thing to remind people that we need to think before we speak or post something on the internet.

    Xx

  7. Christina Gibson

    You couldn’t have possibly known how much I needed to hear this today. I have been asked that a few times and, as someone with a 10 year eating disorder, it sends me right back into the hell that living that way is. Thank you, thank you.

  8. J'aime

    Dearest Naomi

    I have read your blog from the very beginning & loved where it started & where it is now. I love your love & joy for your family, life & work but whilst I habitually read your blog, I would never be so presumptuous or downright rude as to ask if you were pregnant. I wouldn’t even do that with my closest friends & we talk about pretty much EVERYTHING. As women, there is so much wrapped up in our bodies & how we feel about them, pregnancy & wanting/trying to get pregnant….it is a minefield at times & we should be sensitive to that, whether it is a friend or someone whose lives we follow on a day-to-day basis. Yes, your blog is about your private life & I’m sure if & when the day comes, you will share the happy news as you did with your last two beautiful ones & those of us who have respect for our fellow ladies will rejoice with you in your announcement. However, that does not excuse people lambasting you for sharing your private life & then being upset when people who do not know you ask if you are pregnant. You choose to share your life with those who subscribe to your blog, but it is also your choice to tell us what you want, when you want & it is also our choice to read your blog & therefore have some respect for someone else’s private life. We do hold exclusive rights to your life, no matter how sad some of us are that obviously think we do & have nothing better to do than ask personal questions.
    So sorry you have had a rough time at the moment, you are not alone. I am currently pregnant with my first & I am due in a week & a half & it’s been a tough journey. Whilst I am a very sharing person, there are some things that remain private until I wish to share them, irrelevant of whether or not I have a blog. I only hope I can raise my child & maintain my integrity & grace as well as you do Naomi. Much love to you & your lovely family.

  9. Allie

    I’ve enjoyed reading this blog for a few years because of the picturesque life it details. This post, however, is full of the contradictions that arise when a blogger who has essentially made a business out of posting about her personal life asks for privacy. You have branded yourself, your husband, your children and once upon a time, your dog, by posting your likenesses on the internet and hocking bleach pens and handbags. Now, because you feel hurt about looking pregnant, you are talking about women’s bodies and boundaries? You are the opposite of the celebrities on Capitol Hill who are demanding that the photographers stay away from their children. I mean, you are essentially your own paparazzi.

  10. J'aime

    Sorry for the typo, that meant to read

    “We do NOT hold exclusive rights to your life, no matter how sad some of us are that obviously think we do & have nothing better to do than ask personal questions.”

    Oh baby brain!

  11. Samantha

    It’s funny you posted this today. I check your blog every few days and I was thinking today that you have seemed off and distant from this space. I wondered what was wrong in that back of my head kind of way. I’m am so sad to hear that people have found a way to claim that they know you, your choices and where you are at. How terribly exhausting and frustrating. Although you recognize the extent in which people feel as though they can comment, since you have opened your world to all if us, it must still be overwhelming and exhausting. I hope by addressing these issues within this context those individuals will step back, even if for a moment, to reflect on their comments and thoughts. Thank you for allowing us to have a glimpse of your world, but it is indeed a glimpse and we must all keep that in perspective. Privacy is important. Take care of yourself. You deserve it first and foremost.

  12. Victoria

    Unfortunately, people don’t always think before they speak. My boys are all grown now but when I was pregnant with my third, I can’t tell you how many random strangers walked up to me to let me know they hoped this one was a girl. I honestly wanted to spit in their faces! Being able to even have 3 healthy babies was a blessing beyond anything.

    After the birth of my third beautiful son, the comments got even worse. Right in front of my 4 and 2 year old, women would say “Oh well, you’re still young, you can try again”. I would reply “try again for what? I already hit the lottery with my 3 gorgeous boys”. And it was always women who made the rude comments!

    Enjoy this time of your life so that one day, when your babies are grown, you can look back with smiles and fond memories. Your uterus and its contents are nobody’s business but your own and just because you’ve shared things on your blog does not make you obligated! You’re a wonderful mom doing a wonderful job of raising 2 beautiful kids in the least kid friendly part of the country. You should feel very proud of yourself!

  13. Monica Kate

    I never comment on your blog, but read it every day. Loved bumping into you in DC and @ Church…winter may have been “delicious” as you say, but you look amazing, simply radiant and I don’t think they asked because you looked pregnant…they most likely asked because they think mothers like you need to have oodles of kids because you: have darling kids, remain a fashionista after kids, and make it look so charming. each day is an elegant vignette into your life and more little feet and chubby hands need to be in you and Josh’s space. …or so she/he may have thought. That is it. We are all just a bit jealous. That being said, didn’t you just have a baby? goodness me! you handled this situation with more grace than I would have! I would have made a few enemies that day. Keep making us jealous, we adore it, you, and your sharing your lives with us.

    MK

  14. Julia

    Like so many others, thank you for being so brave & posting on a topic that truly affects all women. Everyday assumptions and comments are made based on appearance with very little or no knowledge of the person, their struggles, or emotions inside. It’s unfair you have been struggling with these assumptions lately, however, I applaud you for standing up to them by deciding to be more mindful of your own behavior. All to often I feel we are hurt by other’s actions & reprimand them for them without looking at our own.

    P.S. My sister and I are similar in age gaps as your children. When she was an infant, I wandered up to the alter, made it under our pastor’s cloak, and interrupted communion (to say the least). After retrieving me, my mother had to do the long walk down the aisle, so I think you are golden. :)

  15. Lauren

    I’m a long-time reader and I’ve never commented but I have to say I so appreciate the honesty in this post. I don’t follow any social media so I was unaware of the pregnancy blowup but I’m sorry that people feel so entitled to your life. I think readers sometimes forget that a blog is a curated glimpse at a person’s life, not a personal journal. I read a comment above saying that this blog is about your private life and I respectfully disagree. This a blog about what you CHOOSE to share about your life. There’s a huge difference. In any case, I identify with what you’ve said about strangers / friends / family feeling they have the right to comment on a woman’s body, and the negative effect it can have on that woman. Keep rocking on, sister!

  16. Libby

    Big hugs. Been there. Heard that. Fought that battle. Responded in all kinds of ways….I like the way you have handled this.

    Through my own struggles I’ve learned to stop asking questions about other people’s family planning. Ever. But I do appreciate the few people who have asked “Would you like to have kids someday?” or “Would you like to have more children someday?” It’s infinitely better than “When will you have (more) kids?!?!” Much less likely to provoke me to want to scream: I.DON’T.KNOW.

    :)

  17. Beautiful post. I couldn’t agree more w everything you said.

    juliettelaura.blogspot.com

  18. CH

    Don’t you wish we could just erase “baby bump” from the lexicon? Ugh. It sounds like an innocuous phrase but people almost always use it in such an intrusive, voyeuristic way.

    And… maybe I’m the only one who finds this weird. But your post is basically a really polite way of saying “MYOB about other people’s bodies” and half the comments on it are talking about your body! They are obviously meant as “compliments” but I wonder if people realize that talking about your size in any way is exactly the opposite of what this post is about.

  19. Katy

    Fantastic post. I admire your honesty and strength. Keep on keepin’ on.

  20. Harriet

    To be honest I was really upset to read this. I think people forget the courage it takes to write a blog and essentially expose you’re life to the outside world. You are an incredibly courageous mother and if I could be like you when I have babies I will be more than happy. Your life decisions are between you and your husband (family) at the end of the day. I admire your honesty, even with the smallest things. All you have to remember is you’re a great wife, a fantastic mother, and rather perfect in God’s eyes!

  21. Anne

    You are so inspiring. Bravo for this post, and for keeping some privacy in your life. You deserve it!

  22. Anne-Marie

    My husband and I were surprised by our first pregnancy and intended to keep our news private until we had time to adjust to the idea of parenthood. I was devastated when, at a friend’s birthday party, several guests called attention to the fact that I wasn’t drinking, teasing me and pressuring a response as to the state of my uterus. It became a central topic of conversation at the gathering, making me feel uncomfortable, unsafe, and, frankly, hurt. I wasn’t ready to share. Since then, I’ve developed a lot of empathy for women who feel forced to divulge information before they are ready — even to close friends at a birthday party, even to fellow church members, even on a public blog.

    I think your earlier blogging voice was unguarded, perhaps because there was less at stake for you. Now that you have a family to protect, I hope you’re able to find a way to write authentically while still maintaining your privacy. I don’t envy you in that task, but I do wish you the best.

  23. Emily

    “…winter was just really delicious.” What a great line!

    And a good blog post. Well-written and honest.

    Appreciated reading it.

    Keep smiling!

    E.

  24. Maelle

    Very well said :) I had no clue that people were assuming you were pregnant so i was certainly not expecting a post like this, but i wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. I’ve been reading your blog for the past 3 years now and it seems to me that you have found the perfect balance between what you are willing to share with us and what you keep for yourself and your loved ones. This balance is something that i really appreciate. Not sharing every single moments of your life or your struggles does not make you less brave than other bloggers, it makes you different and humble. I love your blog for the positivity and modesty that it brings out. Reading it had got me through rough periods of my own life and it gave me hope and something to look up to. You are a beautiful person in and out.
    Lots of love from France xx

  25. Carie

    I just love your “winter was delicious” comeback! It’s so strange how women of that certain age become public property to one degree or other. I’m currently expecting our third and showing far bigger and sooner than with the first and oh the comments!!

  26. Wendi

    Naomi,

    I, too, have struggled with these same questions. And I love when you share your heart like this, even if you don’t give details. i don’t need to know them. But it’s nice to connect in this way every once in awhile.

    Women, I think, are often quick to ask questions or make comments they shouldn’t because they think they have the “right” to…since we’re all women and we will all struggle with issues about marriage, pregnancy, fertility, babies, child-rearing, menopause, etc. at some point in our lives. But we don’t have that right. I love reading birth stories, but I’m not going to ask someone what her story is unless she chooses to offer it to me. You made it clear a long time ago that you wouldn’t share your birth stories or certain details because…well…that’s your choice. And I think that should be respected, regardless of how public your life might seem. We only see glimpses each day. That doesn’t give us a free pass into your whole world.

    I hope your day gets better. And when and if you get pregnant again, or choose not to, or decide to adopt or WHATEVER…know that we are happy to hear it from you when you DECIDE to share it.

    Wendi

  27. Lauren

    Great post! I don’t know why people can be so extremely nosy/insensitive/tactless sometimes. I’m sorry that you even had to post a response to that kind of behavior, but I applaud you for standing up for yourself and many other women out there in the same boat. You are a true inspiration to modern moms and women all over, including me! Thank you.

  28. Lauren E.

    Oh man, this hit me at a very appropriate time. You’re right – we really never know someone’s situation. I’ve been in a happy relationship for four years now and am so unbelievably tired of being asked when we’re getting married. When? When we’re ready. And we’re not. I feel like bursting into tears myself some days. It’s a gentle reminder to stop putting expectations on others. Thanks for this lovely post. Bravo.

  29. You are brave. Even if you choose not to share EVERYTHING you put a lot out there and for a lot of people. With that comes risk, judgement, rumors, etc. But you have stood strong and you will continue to do so because you are an amazing individual and we all know it! Chin up love, great things are in store for you.

    xo

    Michaela

    http://michaelajeanblog.com

  30. Sarah

    Love this post. Really enjoyed you addressing that persistent rumour in this manner – nice one! Xx

  31. Janis

    Well said! :)

  32. Lori!

    This is a question that no one should ask. You never know what someone is going through.

  33. Liz

    And I was thinking you looked super skinny in all your photos!

    Since you aren’t pregnant, I say your family needs to take a trip to a roller coaster theme park and take advantage of being able to go on all those fun rides.

    In the meantime, good luck!

  34. Mélanie

    Bonjour !

    Je suis française et je suis ton blog depuis longtemps déjà …
    C’est la première fois que je te laisse un commentaire. je tenais à te remercier pour cet cet article… J’ais fais une fausse couche en décembre à 2 mois de grossesse et je me sens seule, j’ai l’impression d’être la seule et de n’être comprise par personne. Depuis j’ai surmonté cette douleur et avec mon mari nous essayons d’avoir un autre bébé mais nous supportons mal la pression sociale qu’il peut peser sur nous (c’est pour quand ce bébé ? vous y travaillez au moins ?)
    Beaucoup de bonheur avec ta formidable famille <3
    Une french lectrice =)

  35. Thanks for sharing this word. There are many of us out there that can relate to the feelings you expressed in this post. I once had someone ask me the day after a miscarriage if I was pregnant. I almost cried right there in front of her, then screamed at her for bringing it up, but I pulled myself together and reminded myself she had no idea and certainly meant no harm. But, I did go home and cry. You just never know what people are going through. Such a good reminder that we should all be so very sensitive to this, I’ll never ask another woman when she “plans’ to have another baby again? It’s just none of our business, like you said, if she wants you to know, she’ll tell you. Thanks again for having the courage to share this bit of wisdom here, Best wishes to you and your sweet family.

  36. Mayoli

    Naomi,

    What a beautiful post. Thank you for being so open and so honest. I married my husband a little over a year ago and neither of us is ready for kids yet. I was so surprised/shocked/awkward the first time that a family member asked me if we were planning on having kids soon.
    I was enraged and wanted to rant but in this post you have managed to express everything I felt at that moment and more and you did it so gracefully.

    You are a role model and I hope that you know that you are gorgeous!

    xox

  37. Sometimes church can be the worst place for insensitivity and nosiness. After our son passed away people constantly asked us when we were going to have more children.

    Hang in there and continue to chart your own course through life.

  38. Vandy

    I feel like you were able to take all of the thoughts floating around in my head and put them down in words. Thank you thank you thank you. The world needs more women like you.

  39. Grace

    Naomi you do not look pregnant AT ALL!!!!! saw your tweet about tight pants after winter and thought “yeah right…you should see me try to fit into MY jeans…i’ll make your winter weight look like a big lunch!”

    saw some comments on insta and was very confused! the internet is a very tricky place to share even the smallest detail of your life. there will always be strange or nasty comments. you are an awesome woman and an inspiration to so many! I hope you don’t get too discouraged or self- conscious, you are seriously beautiful and really gorgeous!

  40. Franziska

    Dear Naomi
    Thank you for this personal and open post. Without oversharing or letting anything hang out that should be aired first you touched upon a very relevant topic. I love nice pictures of your adorable kiddies but it’s this recaptured realness (is that even a word?) that draws me in and onto your blog. I wish you the openness and courage to keep finding the balance of sharing what feels right as well as partial deafness to all the insensitive chatter out there you simply don’t need.

    smiles, Franziska

  41. Grace

    ps: every single picture of you, you look really skinny!!

  42. Andrea

    I always feel the need to apologize when I find a blog via GOMI, so I apologize.

    A few years ago I went to a casual, outdoor wedding, wearing a casual, outdoor wedding outfit. We drank and danced and had a nice time. Fast forward to a year later, when I ran into one of the other wedding guests at a cookout, who proceeded to ask me if I had “had the baby”. I told her that I hadn’t had a baby, and she proceeded to inform me that when she had seen me the previous year at the wedding that I was pregnant. I assured her that I was not (and the fact that I had a drink in my hand for the entire wedding should have been an indication) and she insisted that I was! It was the most awkward, uncomfortable exchange ever. The dress I wore to that wedding is at the back of my closet until I can find some poor sucker to donate it to. Ugh.

  43. Paige

    So grateful for this post! I feel like so many people decide to make things their business when they’re not. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through all this lately and truly hope that people begin to be kinder to you and your family and show a little more class towards you. I totally agree that simply because you don’t share your entire life on the internet does not mean that you’re scared or not strong, it’s just simply private, and some things you just don’t want the whole world knowing.

  44. Melanie

    This has been such a sensitive topic to me for years. I have large growths in my abdomen that make my otherwise skinny frame look pregnant. When we were trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant and coworkers would stop me in the hall and ask me if I was, I would go home and cry. When I would shop at a children’s store for a niece or nephew and the stupid shop attendant would look down at my belly and ask me when I was due while smiling some stupid know it all smile, I would walk out. No, no, it’s none of your business no.

    I was able to go on to have two amazing children and endured snarky, mean remarks about my size the entire time. I am currently pregnant with a third and the prognosis is not great. Because of that I have no desire to share anything, too painful, yet people are incredibly offended that I won’t announce it.

    For some reason pregnancy possibility makes everyone feel entitled to information. I don’t get it.

  45. Erin

    Oh dear, I’m sorry. I’ve been asked that too, and it’s hard not to let it make you sad for a few days, even if you were previously feeling fine. Let alone struggling with disordered eating, or infertility, or a load of things I am probably ignorant of that others are bravely living with every day. Sending good and supportive thoughts your way.

  46. kelly

    well said. thank you. i think a lot of women out there feel this on a daily basis and it is very hard sometimes to get through the day. thanks for being real and being you.

  47. Becka

    I think your message is completely right and I think it’s really brave of you to write this. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  48. rockon

    I had a miscarriage many years ago.It was a very emotional time.I remember being jealous of other pregnant women,it would have been easy to lash out at others.However I had the grace to be grateful for the two children I already had.I know the pain of loosing a much longed for child.It was a very very emotional time full of tears and sadness.It was really hard when people asked if I was pregnant.I just wanted to explode and scream.But it wasn’t their fault they really did mean well.I just couldn’t see it then.Sometimes life throws us some cruel blows.If any of you are going through a miscarriage and infertility. I send you love.I send you peace.I send you a hug.I send you hope.If you believe in god like I do.I want you to know that god is with you in the midst of the storm.Love love love you all………..

  49. Claudia

    Hi Naomi,
    I don’t think I’ve ever commented on your blog but I just had to tell you that I’ve been following for years and am so sorry you are going through this. You are a beautiful and uplifting woman and I have nothing but love and respect for you. Thank you for sharing bits and pieces of your life with strangers like me.
    Love,
    This proud mama of 4 from Eugene, OR

  50. Renee

    What beautiful words! I have thought exactly the same ideas! I think it’s a difficult situation – just wait until she announces. Plus, it’s the couple’s pregnancy, why would you want to rob from her the fun of announcing, once the Lord blesses them with a pregnancy.

    I’m glad you shared, even if it’s difficult for you. Don’t worry, the Lord has it all. It’s all on Him!

  51. Kate

    Bravo, Naomi! I love, love, love this.

  52. Love this post Naomi. You are such a genuine blogger. Kudos for you for writing it and being so sincere. You truly an inspiration.
    I must confess, I do hate when I see comments like that PLUS how people love asking “where is that from?” for every little thing on instagram. Just like the picture and move on peeps. I cringed every time.

  53. Emily

    I’m so sorry for the hurtful comments. After my second son was born I was asked 42 times in a year if I was pregnant again. I kept count after it kept happening. It was devastating to me. I struggle with infertility and I’m not a size 2 but I for sure didn’t look pregnant and it was so hurtful. Now? I do NOT ask. If someone tells me they are pregnant, great. But even into the 9th month of pregnancy I do not bring it up first. You just never know what someone is going through. I hope what you are struggling with gets easier for you. You’re wonderful and I love to read everything you have to say!

  54. Tracy

    I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in August of last year. Today is my due date, and it has been hard. This post really made me feel like I’m not alone in this. Thank you.

  55. Jolie

    I was thinking you looked TONED, those beautiful dancer legs you have! You look fantastic, and your hair is amazing blonde. Keep on doing what you’re doing.

    xo from Texas

  56. Madison

    Seriously?? You don’t even look pregnant!!?? Which is why I don’t understand where these rumors started? You look great and are perfect in every shape, way and form. Much love!

  57. Liz

    You are so right. It’s nice to not really see people’s bodies or even their fashion in some sense, just to tune into their energy–which ends up directing us to the most joyous people! And you are one. I don’t look at your shape and while I love your style maybe I don’t see that as much as your joy…Thank you for all your lovely sharing and inspiration!!! xo

  58. BV

    Thank you for addressing this. I have been bothered by all of the instagram/ blog comments lately. If people haven’t noticed it is winter. Winter entails puffy jackets, big sweaters and layers. Winter apparel does not mean you’re covering something up. Even if you were… it is your prerogative because it is your body. People are so quick to judge but most comments come from excitement and curiosity, so don’t let it bring you down. Naomi, please know that you have so much support and the positive outweigh the negative, You read the minds of so many people and put this out there for all to see and although you had a rough moment and had to experience this first hand you are now saving women from having to go through that experience because you are educating women on being on the receiving side of that conversation and it isn’t always as nice.

  59. I think you’re making a much bigger deal out of this than is warranted. You’ve been vaguely dropping hints about exciting hush-hush news to be announced “later” and everyone who reads this blog knows that you and your husband priortize a large family as one of your life goals. Your readers just get excited (and excited for you) and no one is asking this question from a “holy cow, she’s fat she must be pregnant!” standpoint. It’s more of a “she’s got big exciting news, let’s hope it’s another baby!” standpoint. People love to read about your family life and look forward to watching you grow your family.

    And I agree, you can’t pick and choose the parts of private life anymore when you put your family out into the world as a monetized brand. It just doesn’t work that way – ask any celebrity in Hollywood.

  60. Thank you so much for writing this! As someone who is teetering in the infertility camp, lately I’ve been hyper aware of my words and words of others. Most really don’t mean harm but in their ignorance hurt still occurs. It’s a good reminder for all of us to think before asking questions about private matters.

  61. Stephanie Perkins

    There are so many things people say…. one of the best things to think silently when people say things that aren’t necessaricarily worth the time of day is, “Pray, and don’t worry.” That’s the beauty of your life, it is solely your own :)

    So go own with your rock star self and “Pray my dear sister, and don’t dare worry” :)

    Love surrounds you always – Stephanie

  62. Taylor

    Thank you for your speech/rant. It was actually very appreciated. It’s hard, especially in the blogging world, to decide what to and what not to share with the internet world. I love telling people all the exciting things in my life, but I’m like you and I also enjoy keeping them to myself. Also, it’s so much easier to share the good than the bad and the hard and sometimes the truth. I try to keep things real on my blog and let my own readers know that, no, I’m not perfect. My life is crazy and hectic and I’m just doing my best to keep my head above water most days. But at the same time, those things are often private and not really worth sharing. The parts that are tough and also parts that hurt a heck of a lot more if someone were to comment rather harshly on it.

    Keep doing what you’re doing, girl.
    Oh, and you look great! Definitely not pregnant (and when/if you are, you’ll look just as cute!)

    xoxo
    Taylor

    http://www.welcomehometaylor.com

  63. you go girl. so much love and respect for you. sending joy your way!
    xx

  64. B.

    Thank you for putting it out there , it is so very important. People can be so insensitive (i am sure i have been before as well) . I can completely sympathize . I had a daughter 5 years ago… When she was about 17 months i had a breakdown (most likely due to hormones/ weaning) , that .out of the. blue It hit me like a train and made me end up in the emergency room etc etc…. I recovered fairly quickly, BUT the memory of those dark few weeks have forever changed me and as much as i long for another child i cripple with fear every time i think about getting pregnant again. Needless to say people ask me all the time : how come you don’t have an other one yet? when are you having another one? Most people think it is very odd and that there must be something going on with our relationship . It could not be further from the truth of course but i don like sharing intimate details of my life with everyone i meet. It does not help any that i used to be very vocal about how many kids i wanted…. i am hoping that someday i will have the strength to overcome my fears and bring another child into this world! Thank you so much for sharing this with us , it means a lot. we all need to be a little more sensitive towards other human beings……

  65. Tara

    I’ve followed your blog for several years. Being an east coast girl, lost in the south, I’ve always enjoyed being able to visit home territory vicariously. I’ve also loved to see the process of trying to blend family life with the desire to continue to thrive creatively. Lately, it seems like there has become more and more of an adversarial tone between yourself and your followers. I’ve also noticed a lot more in the way of plugs. I wish you the very best in all you do, I just don’t need to dial into general reprimands addressed to your following.

  66. Krystal

    Um….not quite sure how people got the idea you ‘look’ pregnant. I think you look gorgeous! I so agree that even though you are a blogger….you have your own personal life and emotions. I used to get asked all the time ‘when are you having a baby’…..mean while I was unable to have children naturally and had to go through fertility treatments. And there is nothing worse than not being pregnant and now feeling like people think you look fat or something. I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth plenty of times in all types of situations in the past and I am trying very hard to keep my mouth shut regarding personal issues. Personal space is so very important no matter who you are. Just because you blog doesn’t mean we deserve to know every tid bit of your life. I know it’s hard to open up to even family and good friends sometimes…..so I know this is weird but if you ever want to just vent or babble or whatever……send me a line :) Sometimes talking to people you don’t know and can’t see is theraputic. Have a great day!

  67. Effie

    I’ll be honest…I totally thought you were pregnant. There’s been a lack of action on your blog and instagram and I just assumed you were busy with your two kids and not feeling well due to a pregnancy. I never commented, but I totally thought it. Obviously it’s your prerogative to post however many times you wish, and I guess I’m just a spoiled blog reader expecting a new and exciting post every time I visit.

    I hope that whatever it is you’re going through, you are able to find peace, and know too, that your readers support your honesty, so speak up if you want! When you get honest and real with us it humanizes you so much!

    xoxo

  68. Taylor

    I’m sorry that you’re struggling, but I love this post. Sometimes I come to your space and feel a little inadequate. I have no idea how you juggle it all. But every now and then you show this really vulnerable side of yourself and it makes for the most wonderful insights.

    I was relatively thin after graduating college. Roughly a size 6 or so. I have always been a runner and was in great shape – BUT I have terrible posture. I stand with my hips pushed forward, and quickly learned that if wearing the right dress, this stance makes me look pregnant.

    Two of my most embarrassing moments happened when total strangers asked me when I was due and in fact I wasn’t pregnant at all. One such occasion occurred when I was meeting some of my boyfriends’ childhood friends for the first time.

    More understandably, a bank teller asked me if I was pregnant one week after delivering my first. I was fragile and cried the whole way home.

    It’s wrong to ask for so, so many reasons.

  69. renata

    I remember long long ago, your babies weren’t born and you said you were a bit sad. When i came to the comment form, i saw readers were having a discussion about what was going on or not in your life, that you’d probably wanted to get pregnand and stuff like that… and i was so shocked! Like… wtf? Why do people take so much time to speculate about someone elses’ sadness and dare to comment on that online, i just couldn’t get it. There are so many things that can make you feel sad, and if it’s not being able to get pregnant COME ON, you don’t have to be that smart to know it’s a really sensitive issue for a woman and a couple to drop it just like that!It’s common sense! But, you know, haters will hate, and love prevails, the amount of people showing love and supporting you will always be way larger.

    XoX

  70. Olivia Ley

    So well said. Thank you for your vulnerability,.. has helped me tremendously.

  71. Georgiana

    Dearest Naomi, I’m so sorry you went through this.It must feel so terrible to be put on the spotlight like that, like people are stripping you of all privacy. I think today’s society is nosy, and people feel like it’s their rght to give their opinion even when not asked (I live in Romania and one of the many things that bugs me about Romanians is that a complete stranger can walk up to you and treat you like they’ve known you all their life, not in a good way I mean, so I can only imagine what it’s like for people to comment like that on your body (which is like a ballerinas, if you know what I mean:)) or any aspect of your private life. But I also think that they didn’t do it maliciously, they just didn’t reaslise they were crossing that thin line. You seem like such a darling and caring person, beautiful in and out, and it’s sad to see how people can objectify you like that (like it happened with the hair as well). Many blessing to you and your darling family, thank you for being an inspiration! Hope everyone’s healthy and happy!

  72. Brooke

    Amen! So graceful. Thank you for the reminder of the journey, that we are all learning (I know I have a lot to learn) and that we all need to keep trying to remember these things. Love your blog and the reminder to enjoy each moment which this blog helps me to remember when I get pushed down and bitten by the get up early/kiddos/get to work/dinnertime/bathtime/bedtime/will I ever have me time? rush each day. This is a safe place so thank you for making it that way. Whatever is going on in your life – thank you for sharing or not sharing or whatever you choose to do that it is a safe place for you too. I am sad that someone has made you or anyone feel sad – it’s hard out there. We can all learn from each other. Thanks Naomi. Blessings.

  73. kate

    perfectly said. i’ve struggled with infertility for 10 yrs and a recent second failed attempt at in-vitro is the heartbreaking conclusion to our family. luckily we have 2 beautiful children we were blessed to adopt. but my heart still breaks. and breaks. and unfortunately weaving through others comments about whatever pricks at the moment is part of the journey. sorry to hear about what you’ve recently experienced, both with peoples assumptions, and whatever heartbreak you’ve had otherwise. keep your chin up :)

  74. Heather

    I just wanted to say how well written this was, and how sadly true it is that so many women choose to tear each other down rather than build one another up. Also, just because you have a blog doesn’t mean you deserve to keep some things private. Why is it that some people get so caught up in a stranger’s life that they feel it’s their right to know everything? Unfortunately social media has made people feel that they don’t need to take any responsibility for what they say and that they shouldn’t have to care how it might affect the person they’re talking about.

  75. Someone asked me if I was pregnant the other day and honestly I just wanted to break down into tears because 1. I am not pregnant and 2. I feel like I have worked hard to get my body back into shape after my first baby who is only 11 months old.

    I guess winter was really delicious for me too.

    Thank you for your honest words.

  76. Emily

    YEESH girl, I don’t know how you do it. People are just crazy sometimes. I, like so many others, love seeing you and your family. You’re just the cutest thing ever and those babies?! fuhgettaboutit- they’re adorable. haters gonna hate. So you keep doing your thing and pay no mind to them.

  77. marcy

    Hello Taza.I suppose blogging about your life FOR PROFIT can be a grey area.I mean on one hand you’ve reaped the rewards financially and received plenty of freebies over the years.Not to mention you get to stay home with your kids.My point is this.As one of your regular readers I respect your right to privacy.So many things can go wrong with pregnancies.Which is why if I suspect someone is pregnant I give them privacy and respect to share the news when they see fit.My apologies if this is a sensitive and emotional time for you.From reading your post I would say it clearly is.Perhaps this is a good time to take your blog in a different direction.Ask yourself is the invasion into your personal life worth the perks and rewards.Remember that the next time you thank your readers for supporting the sponsors that support your family.

  78. Helen

    CONNIE… I cannot even believe you just posted that comment after a post like this. It’s unfair for Naomi for me to post this and start a “fight” with you. But seriously, have some respect. Irregardless of what kind of blog this is, it’s HER blog, and she is free to share what she wants and not what you want to read about. Ridiculous.

  79. Leith

    Thank you for this! While searching for a recipe I once saw on a blog, I came across GOMI. A snarky site if there ever was one. And it just makes me feel so sad, that other people seem to thrive off of speculation, judgment and hate. Or feel entitled to know every detail of someone else’s life. You share what you choose to share and I’m so grateful, because your blog inspired me to write my own blog. But I for one am glad you don’t share too much. Mystery is half the fun, and you don’t owe us anything :) Cheers to you! – Leith
    http://www.thesanfranciscan.co/

  80. Alicia

    Wow girl my heart goes out to you. I had the opposite problem, I was pregnant with twins and saw people shy away from asking if I was pregnant. That made me feel like they couldn’t tell if I was just fat.

    I’m glad you opened up about your hurt feelings at church.
    And I think you shouldn’t feel at all guilty keeping pregnancy, or anything related to yourself. Its not weak at all. It shows discernment. Your vulnerability in this post showed bravery.

  81. Lauren

    I am still amazed at how many people have not figured out how impolite it is to comment on whether or not a woman is pregnant before she announces it. I’m always so relieved to see posts like this and hope that it will help spread the word to people who comment so carelessly. I had someone years ago who asked me if I was pregnant (which I was not) and unfortunately it really bothered me for months. Amazing the harm that a thoughtless remark can cause. You look awesome. I have never suspected you of being pregnant and I wish you the best in growing your adorable family!

  82. Jo

    There’s a weird blogger fanverse thing where some people like the idea of figuring it out FIRST, or commenting FIRST, or whatever thing that makes them feel more in the know/connected/special. Sherry Petersik posted something quite similar on their blog a while ago. You look as beautiful as ever and people are just silly. It’s never appropriate to call someone out on their “pregnancy.”

  83. Jessica

    I really appreciated reading this today. I’m four months pregnant with my first baby and I have found that some women want to share their horror stories with me, from how painful labor is to how long it took for them to heal afterwards. Sometimes they want to share a friend’s story. I find this appalling especially when it’s delivered in a way they think they are helping me or giving good advice. I’ve cried because of it. Regardless of whether someone means well, I think this like your experience with people asking you if you’re pregnant lacks tact. You really have to learn to block it out and that’s not always easy. :/

  84. Jenny

    You go, giiiirrrlll!

  85. Susan

    listen sister, you live a bloggers life, You have grown you blog from nothing to one of the top mommy blogs out there, so therefore you shouldn’t be offended when someone thinks they know you and speculates on your life. You and your hubby have decided to share your life with the world, Of course if you look like you have a baby bump then your audience of thousands will think so too. I think it’s fair that most of us have been waiting for you to up and tell us that you are pregnant. It’s the life you decided to live so therefore if you don’t want the world up in your business then don’t blog anymore. sheesh.

  86. Just wanted to say well done for letting other people’s ill-judged comments wash over you and for moving on. I am a mother of two and have certainly been made to feel self-conscious about my body at times since I had my babies. The other day a woman I vaguely knew at the post office asked if I was expecting again and I felt embarrassed saying no, but maybe I was probably still carrying baby weight (my youngest is 22 months old). I am neither fat nor thin, but yes I have a bit of a tummy since giving birth to two babies who were over 9 lbs each. I wish there was not this obsession for women to snap back to their pre-pregnancy shape, or to immediately work towards losing any weight they might have gained during pregnancy for the sake of pretending that pregnancy or birth hasn’t affected or changed their bodies. Women should be supportive of each other, not trying to trip each other up.

  87. GKA

    I’ve only recently discovered your blog. I liked it. Now I love it. You motivate me to be a better person.

  88. kaitlynn

    you are BEAUTIFUL and strong

  89. tina

    Taza, ur so brave and respect you more than ever. It’s really ashame that ppl use this nedium to pull ppl down. Everyone here loves u and that’s why we come to this space bc ur such an incredible person and bring beauty in everything. I hope you can get some rest despite all the unnecessary harshness you had to go through!

  90. Rosanna Brown

    Great post! Some people have a hard time respecting boundaries. A thought that always help is knowing that people usually mean well. i got those comments for a while but I learned to brush them off by remembering how bless and happy I was with my life. You are an inspiration to many and I hope people learn to respect your privacy!

  91. Heather

    Preach. I’m with you.

  92. Kirsty

    Hi Naomi,
    As a ‘new first time’ mother who had a miscarriage followed by the stillborn of our first daughter, I can completely relate to the pain of speculation and inappropriate comments on fertility. When I had the miscarriage so many people told me I should feel lucky that I knew I could get pregnant. I didn’t feel that way at all.
    When my daughter died at 33 weeks, I was told that I’d have another one and it would all be ok. I am blessed to have my own little 10 week E but oh my goodness I absolutely still ache for my angel.
    It’s sad that fertility is such a public subject and people feel that they have a right to know your plans and comment on your feelings. I’m truly sorry that you have been made to feel sad by someone else’s thoughtlessness.
    I wish you love and light in your choices and wanted to let you know I admire your family and love to read your posts so much I have your blog up constantly on my phone and refresh every morning ( umm..I promise I’m not an obsessive!). How blessed you all are to have each other xxx

  93. haley

    first of all, you’re so dang classy.

    second of all, thank you.

    i have a really hard time knowing boundaries with things people say, because i try to believe they’re coming from a good place, but often feel alienated by the comments and judgments that are so quick, and so biting.
    just last night, after a week of tension and heartache with my boyfriend who lives way too far away, two friends i haven’t seen for months asked “when will you guys have kids?!” i was stunned.
    and i am not even sure i want kids, much less am ready to share my feelings on the subject. and i sat there feeling sick. i almost lost my relationship this week, and now they want to talk about kids? i’m still reeling with stress. ack. i’ve just felt awful.

    because of this post i realized i can let it go, but also that i don’t need to punish myself for being angry and stressed out by the comments i heard last night. you’ve made me feel like my internal response was totally warranted.
    thank you for the reminder that it’s okay to get frustrated and to stay private and to feel that i have a right to my privacy, to a little opacity in my life.
    you’re an amazing human being, and a truly wonderful woman. thank you for the reminder that we all have truth inside that isn’t for everyone. and that we shouldn’t feel bullied into sharing.

  94. Sara Vee

    I thought of this http://iwastesomuchtime.com/on/?i=44587 with which I agree. I am currently very pregnant and not online about it because I do not want to hear about how I look. Big, good, really two more months??! Yes. I am how I am. I had a beautiful, healthy boy the first time and this time I am hoping for another healthy child. Am I a skinny perfect photo worthy preggo? Nope. I am me. Pregnant. Thank you for this blog. I think you are amazing. Winter is getting closer to over. You can do it!

  95. Brooke

    I’m not normally one to comment but I really want to add my praise along with everyone else’s here; I 100% wholeheartedly agree with everything you have written, bravo!

  96. N. davis

    You’re an amazing example. Thank you for this post and Thank you for your constant example of motherhood. You inspire me, as a mother, to try new things with my children and to be brave. This post was just that, brave. Continue to be just that.

  97. Carol

    Your post just reminded me to make a note on my calendar to talk to my children later (when the time is right) about certain topics to be more careful about when speaking to others.

    When I was 19, I worked as a summer intern at a laboratory. The office secretary was a larger woman, and after being absent for a week or two, she came back with photos of her newborn baby. The first thing that popped out of my mouth was, “Oh, I had no idea you were pregnant!” What an awful thing to say. I was 19, and hadn’t learned to develop a filter between my brain and my mouth. I felt just terrible and ashamed of myself after the realization of what I’d done dawned on me. I talked to other trusted and more socially experienced adults about it, and that’s when I learned that pregnancy and physical appearance are two subjects to be more sensitive and careful about. [My own parents didn’t give me so much counseling on these things. I can’t really say why. They just didn’t. They were poor struggling immigrants, and I’m not sure if maybe that was part of it. We did grow up very much isolated from the community around us though, as we were so ‘different’ from everyone else around us.]

    Anyways, you cannot imagine how terribly I felt. I went back and apologized to the secretary. She already knew me well, knew my character, and she was a very gentle and kind woman, so she graciously accepted my apology. Over the years, I’ve learned much about so many things, sometimes by trying to be thoughtful, and other times by making regretful mistakes.

    I thought your post was very well written — you made your point, yet you were gracious about it. In contrast, I find a lot of the “comments” to be very ungracious, harsh and judgmental. We all make mistakes, and the majority of us are more than willing to learn from those mistakes, and make amends for those mistakes. Furthermore, people tend to absorb teachings/corrections more deeply when they are meted with love and caring, not with contempt and scorn. You were gracious, and it is regretful to see so many others so quickly jump on their high horses after you set such a good example.

    [For the record, I was not one of those speculating anything about you. I read your blog simply because it’s like a little window of sunshine in the day. I read it just to enjoy the moment, and when I’m done reading and entry, I’m done and move on.]