the littles and i flew back to new york city from utah last wednesday.
i think i’m glad to be back but i’m not certain yet. i love this city with my whole heart. it stole it long ago in 2001 when i was a little teenage girl living in the city for a summer dance intensive. i feel like after that summer, i held my breathe until i moved back here at 18 for college. i just had to get back to this city. i felt at home here. i felt most like myself here. and i felt like i belonged.
this weird thing always happens when the plane touches down at JFK after i have been away and i catch a taxi back into manhattan. i usually get this overwhelming feeling of pride to see my city and be home. i always look forward to seeing the new york city sky line from afar all lit up in its spectacular sparkly glory from the back of a taxi cab. there is this rush of emotion because i’m so happy to see new york again. and hear all the street noise and see everyone still out at a late hour. (josh tells me how he has always had the exact same experience ever since he came out for school too, which makes me so happy… that we share our love for nyc together.)
but when we flew back in on wednesday evening, i sadly didn’t have these happy feelings as eleanor, samson, and i drove into the city. my taxi cab driver said he wanted to save gas so he refused to put on any air conditioning. he also wanted me to stop at an ATM and pay with cash instead of use my credit card (all taxis are required to accept credit cards these days). so there i was sweating with two hot and sticky babes on my lap who were both so tired and clingy because it was bedtime and we’d had a long long day of travel and they just wanted to sleep. and i was like, ‘WHAT? where is that feeling. where is it??!!’ i guess this whole situation just got me off to a bad start upon my return to my favorite city and home. right before we left for utah, my bike was stolen in front of our apartment here in the city. someone cut through the lock in broad daylight one afternoon, a bike with an infant seat attached to the back! i was really bummed that day and was even more bummed when i got home again and didn’t see it there. :(
i think after a while, sometimes the city just gets you down and you have to get back out and find what you love about it once again. it doesn’t take long, there is much to love about this city. and i do love new york, even now. but i’m in the midst of trying to rekindle a lot of those feelings and remember what i especially love about new york once more. it’s like utah gave me a wandering eye, or something! i am so embarrassed. ha! i don’t know. i maybe had too much fun thinking how E and S could raise chickens like i did when i was little! or fetch me fresh cucumbers and squash from our garden out back. or maybe if new york just got an einstein bagel bros with those delicious chocolate chip bagels out here? well – grass is always greener.
so hey new york, i’m kinda going through it and i’m not sure what’s going on. be kind to us this week, ok? and i love you, you know, deep down… i really do. next time i come home to you, i’ll try to be just as excited as that first time we met some 12 years ago.
and now, here are some special moments from utah…
^^^here is eleanor in the garden opening up a pea pod! what a green thumb!^^^
^^^my family’s garden. oh so many memories of weeding that big thing with my siblings growing up. we hated it. but we’d always break out in song (something like les mis) to keep ourselves entertained and that always turned it into a good time.^^^
^^^this face! AHH! he found these and held onto them as long as he could!^^^
^^^feeding the chickens…^^^
^^^eleanor collecting the eggs! we’d break a few each day in the process, but i think it was the highlight of her trip, being in charge of the eggs.^^^