the other day josh was telling me how his favorite time with eleanor is when she’s asleep. and i thought, “gasp! how rude!” but he kept telling me that nothing tops how sweet she looks when she’s curled up sleeping peacefully beside one of us or in our arms.
today, she was playing with a few toys beside me while i was on the computer and then i glanced over and saw my little bebe all passed out. it’s true what my husband has been trying to tell me. she really is the most beautiful thing in the world when she’s sleeping. but i also think she’s the most beautiful thing in the world awake as well…. i mean, even when she’s fussy, she’s kind of adorable. ;)
the other day i had my first “claustrophobic” moment as a mother. i’m embarrassed to even admit that and i’m not sure if that is what i should even call it… but it hit me the other day how life isn’t carefree anymore. not that it ever was carefree exactly, but that spontaneity of deciding to catch a late night movie with josh or heading out for a manicure… it’s different now. there is this little one here, for whom i am responsible, who requires attention and love and diaper changes and play time and silly voices and bouncing and a half hour just to prep and pack before leaving the house to grab one item at the grocery store, etc etc. that’s not to say all the fun times are over… in fact, i cherish spending these moments with eleanor, and i think i’ve had more fun in the last 5 months with my little family than ever before… and i can’t think of a time in my life when i was more happy and in love with my husband and confident in my own self than right now. but this claustrophobic moment, it really surprised me. and it scared me just a little, too. it’s a funny thing though, because it only took one little glance over in eleanor’s direction to remind myself just how good i have it. perhaps catching a late night movie last minute with my love isn’t in the cards for us right now, but there is always netflix and homemade popcorn in bed once the baby is asleep… and to be honest, that’s just as wonderful in my book.
oh this thing called motherhood! where you just gawk and aww over your little one and want to profess to the world every .7 seconds just how amazing this little human being is and how you never thought a little 15 pound munchkin could steal your heart so…