eleanor and me. and the first time i held her.
i have learned so many things this past month as i’ve become a mother. i’ve learned a lot about babies. i’ve learned a lot about my own specific baby girl and her signals and signs. i’ve learned that it’s ok to let other people help you… even if you *think* you can do it all on your own (which you can’t, by the way. and if you can, then you’re superwoman and i want to meet you.) i’ve learned a lot about myself, too. and how to function on little sleep (kind of) and type with one hand (kind of, again). i’ve learned how to bounce a fussy baby to sleep with one arm while taking care of chores or kingsley with the other. i’ve learned how to let some things go and just sit beside my baby and take it all in. i’ve learned a whole lot about a love, too.
if i could go back and tell myself a few things before baby eleanor showed up, i’d shout from the roof top that “THEY AREN’T KIDDING WHEN THEY SAY TO SLEEP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN NOW….” because i really thought they were kidding. how hard could it be to lose a few hours of sleep here and there? and what was i thinking when i was thinking “a few…”?
i’d tell myself to forgo anything in the newborn size and just start buying clothing for a 3 month old. between it all shrinking on the first prewash, eleanor not being anywhere near 6 lbs like my doctor estimated and all of our naked baby time, all that newborn stuff was never really worn.
i heard it a million times. to trust your instincts over the things you read and hear. but i felt like i’d be so unprepared if i didn’t read everything out there on babies or pick every mothers brain as much as i could. i’ve certainly learned to trust myself and do what i think works best for E and me. and i’m really thankful for that.
i’d also tell myself to relax just a little during this first month. i call my mother far too often starting the conversation off with “mom, is this normal….?” or “what do i do if…” or “ahhhhh!” everyone will be ok and everything is just fine.
i don’t think i would have believed myself though if i would have told myself just how much bigger my heart would get for another person. i already loved life, my family and close friends, my little monster of a bulldog and my dear husband. i even loved my pregnant belly. but after meeting my baby girl, and then spending practically every second of this last month by her side, i can’t even begin to tell you the kind of love i feel for her. it’s just different. it’s constantly growing. and it’s absolutely wonderful.