the good wife.

(once upon a time, i cooked a lot for my husband…. once upon a time.)
would you like to know something?

sometimes, if i close my eyes and think hard enough, i actually believe i’m a good wife.
then, i open my eyes.

we’ve had clean clothes sitting in the dryer for over a week now. missing socks or underwear? just go get a pair out of the dryer. this is my way of saying i hate folding clothes.

i’ve also made an empty tube of toothpaste last wayyyyyy longer than it should (think, many many days) because sometimes i’m lazy and think i’ll remember to buy some without writing it down on our shopping list. it’s almost like that tube is magic… the way it has lasted.
but i finally dusted our shelves. so maybe i am part good wife.
just thought you should know.
i’ll do better next year.
*also, i know things like loving your husband, supporting him, being kind, encouraging, strengthening your marriage, etc are perhaps more important ways of being a “good wife.” but i still believe i could do better at making our home a tidy and comfortable place to live. and, i should tell you now that josh is the biggest help around our house. thanks, josh.
  1. you remind me so much of my little sister! she hates folding laundry so much♥ that is why she is going to marry someone who likes to fold the wash..but seriously…what guy likes to fold laundry(o;
    thanks so much for your amazing posts!

  2. Thanks for your honesty NM – I too go in & out of being a good wife to the husband. he loves me so, but oftentimes you'll hear him say things like, "we should really do a better job of putting our clothes away" – he's so sweet to include himself in that statement, it's definitely all me.

    enjoy your blog profusely, you're a daily read :)


  3. haha! just this week i realized i do the same…i leave clothes in the dryer till they are worn and need to be washed again, and our tube of toothpaste is barren, yet we keep using it till the last drop.
    don't worry, you're not the only one who hates folding clothes and doesn't cook every night :)

  4. i'm sure you are a lovely wife. i think husbands would rather have love and support than clean laundry. the clean laundry is just a bonus. i for one am the worst laundress ever. sometimes it gets so bad that when my mom comes over for a visit she helps me fold the (multiple) baskets of clean clothes i've yet to get around to.

    aside from developing a slight case of OCD (which i think i have) i've got no good tips for helping you want to clean more. sorry! good luck with the laundry!

  5. karlee

    you and me both sister!
    My husband cooks the meals and does the shopping.. I manage to find time to do most of the laundry.
    It's hard to keep up on wifely duties when you work and go to school full time. One day I'll get to my duties.

  6. aw i knnow i say now that i just cant wait to do all those "wifey things" when i'm married. like have freshly washed clothes folded when my josh comes home, or dinner cooked every night. but i think it might be best to dream because once the day comes i think ill find myself writing a few i once dreamed i'd be a good wife posts! but im sure you're just lovely and that josh wouldnt have you anyother way ;)

  7. Mandi

    This post totally could've been written by me! And sometimes I get down about my lack of desire to be a typical housewife… but I guess he married me for a reason, and it wasn't because of my cleaning abilities, right? :) (at least I hope not!)

  8. I hate folding clothes too. What's up with that? ;)

  9. le sigh… I can't remember the last time I did laundry — husband does it. My only responsibility is to cook and sometimes I bomb at that.

    But sometimes I get really into wifery and sometimes I fade. But I think its all about being a good spouse first. And if cooking means driving to Jack in the Box, so be it.

    (I do work while hubs goes to law school, so he does the cleaning and laundry by agreement. But is still makes me feel guilty!)

  10. Ms. Taza, I am a loyal reader of the rockstar diaries and I think it is safe to say you are not only a wonderful wife but a beautiful person. You inspire me on a daily basis.

    So none of this nonsense!

  11. *donna*

    i am totally with you on this one. i know i should be better. i wake up in the morning with a whole list of things i'm going to do, to make things nicer in the flat, to do ALL the washing that is sitting in the wash basket and to then cook a wonderful meal in the evening.
    i guess life sometimes gets in the way of these things. or maybe i'm just lazy…….
    i will also try to be better.

  12. hahaha you are too cute!!
    I'm a new wife too and it is tough to get into the swing of things! ESPECIALLY if you are the artistic type!
    I just like to bake a delicious tasty treat or a very early morning breakfast sandwich before work every once in a while and it makes me feel like it makes up for the cabinets with fingerprints on them and all of the crumbs under the couch =P

  13. Keep your chin up. When Josh is 80 he won't remember the socks in the dryer; he'll remember making forts, taking walks and laughing at your jokes.

  14. Drea

    I go through phases where I get super lazy and refuse to cook or clean. When that happens I start viewing design blogs and :P An hour looking at the beautiful homes on Apartment Therapy or Design Sponge can be motivating. :)

  15. Hannah

    You're an amazing wife! and a great sister! I love you.

  16. oh dear.

    If leaving laundry in the dryer (I don't mind folding, I just forget the laundry is there…) makes me a bad wife, then I might be the worst.

    Way to go on the dusting. (I do hate that.)

  17. Rachel

    I have felt that way SO many times. And I do realize that I'm harder on myself than I should be, but I also realize that sometimes it takes feeling that way to give myself a good kick in the rear. I just had the same experience with a bar of soap. It is the tiniest bar of soap I have ever seen now all because I'm too lazy to get another one. Try getting some suds on a loofa outta that thing. It's nearing impossible. I'm sure you are a wonderful wife :)

  18. Leah

    seriously – i'm pretty sure you just described me!!!

  19. Hanako66

    I used to feel the same way! …then I went back to work and somehow magically started doing the things that I was neglecting before! (and I got a housekeeper to come every two weeks but shhhhhhh:)

  20. Emmy

    Sounds like we are a lot a like when it comes to being a "good wife"… though I must admit I cook a lot still. My husband loves food, and a good meal helps him overlook all the other things :)

  21. so sweet! i just got married last week :) luckily i found a husband who loves to cook… and he's pretty awesome at ironing too.

    i heart him, lots.

  22. i hear you, sister.

  23. Caroline

    Why does leaving laundry in the dryer make you not a good wife? Does it make him not a good husband?

  24. I keep clean laundry in the dryer for days too! I always have to run to the laundry room for whatever I need lol.

    Glad to know I'm not the only one!

  25. i love folding clothes- once i get around to it. i usually hate doing the wash because i line dry everything, and the storage place over the summer ruined my laundry rack so now i have to hold it up between my kitchen cabinets and the switch box (or whatever that box is called with all the electrical switches…). this makes for a rather difficult time when one needs to line dry 3 loads of laundry :)
    but i agree, love and support, kindness…these are all better qualities than an expert laundress.

  26. Maddy

    I always leave clothes in the dryer. Right now they are in a HUGE pile in our closet.

    I'm sure you are a great wife! :)

  27. Lynn

    so hilarz! just this morning i was feeling the insurge of guilt about the clothes I'd left in the dryer, i think they'd been there over a week…face blushes are a good source of circulation, right?!

    In truth tho, I never feel the same motivation in the wintery-cooler months than in the summery-warm ones. sometimes it reminds me of the ol' saying "it's like trying to take pee out of the swimming pool, it can't be done"! hahaha

    you are the bestest wife, Josh is such a lucky fellow, there are many more qualities that you mentioned after the * that far outweigh any laundry lazies.


    pea ess: we were using napkins inplace of toilet paper for the past 2 days, how bad is that??!

  28. Hysterical! This sounds like me. I dread cooking, laundry, grocery shopping…I can go on forever. I attempted to cook during our first year of marriage, then stopped, and never looked back ;)

  29. eh, folding clothes is overrated. Hiring a maid is the new way to be a phenomenal wife in 2010.

  30. Jane

    I like to think I would be a better wife if only we HAD a washer/dryer! Our teensy apartment doesn't have one, so our huge laundry bag gets filled up to the brim with dirty clothes before I even feel motivated to heft it to the laundromat (actually my husband does the heavy lifting around here). Then I'll take so long to empty the clean clothes from the laundry bag that my husband will forget it contains clean clothes and will start throwing dirty clothes in…on TOP of the clean clothes! Blech! ha ha. So don't feel too bad… at least your pile of clothes is clean and sweet-smelling! :)

  31. I love your blog!!! It is amazing!! I created my own happy list on my blog today!! Check it out!! : )


  32. alli

    Many a chore would go undone in our household if it weren't for my good husband. I totally hear you on this one.

  33. This is TOTALLY me! My husband asks me "Have you seen my jeans?" I say "Check in the dryer". Then a few days later…"Do you know where my brown button up shirt is?" "did you look in the dryer?" Haha I HATE folding laundry. And cooking and all that "good wife" stuff. ;) thanks for the post. Made my day!

  34. Gabby

    Whatever you made in that picture looks really good and I want the recipe! :) Nobody is perfect…you two are lucky to have each other!

  35. dbbg

    i hate to be the devil's advocate here, but i have to say that this post sounds so fifties housewife!

    you are so much more than folded laundry and dusted shelves, and i'm sure josh sees that, and that is what he respects!

  36. I would leave clothes in the dryer but we have to use a laundry mat washer/dryer :(. Someday…..haha. But I definitely do not cook very often which I could also improve on. I think everyone feels at least in someway the same as you do.

  37. i bet he could really care less and just looks at your beautiful face and forgets the laundry. and i bet he's pretty happy eating burgers and pizza all week :)

  38. Leslie

    I know just how you feel. But I know that you have the most important part down!

  39. Lainey

    I feel ya. I often times feel that way too. While I'm just sitting here, unemployed, my husband is out there making a living for the both of us…and I wish I could be as strong for him as he is for me, when it comes to duties and whatnot. I know he doesn't care that I don't clean and cook and all that; he always says-"I didn't marry a maid!" but I still feel like it's my job, as his wife, to do certain things for him. Oh well, I guess trying will have to do for now…

  40. i just keep piling the clean laundry ON TOP of the machines. and i know exactly what you mean about the tooth paste. i've been doing the same this week!

  41. haha i or we do the same! i feel like im not a good wife either because of it! lol but hey he is still here!

  42. ali

    Don't be so hard on yourself. My motto is, share the load. And just wait til you're a mom and there's really no time.

    p.s. You live in DC. I live in the DC area. I would make you be my friend, but I'm old and boring. :)

  43. laughing about the magic toothpaste..we have magic toothpaste at Windy Ridge too!

  44. tips that help u want to clean more – hmm…well i'm pretty sure that i am borderline OCD so I don't have a problem with that. and pretty much curl up into a little ball of fear when things are messy. in fact if my boyfriend leaves a jacket out of place or a dish out i have a mild freak out. actually, i think maybe i could use your help! how on earth do i chill out?

  45. Kelly

    Haha I totally know what you mean! After we got married I tried to be the "perfect wife" and cleaned and cooked and did everything all the time! That didn't last very long. Lol. Life catches up to us eventually. I hate folding laundry, too, and so I try to fold it while watching TV or a movie. It helps pass the time and make it seem more enjoyable! (plus, you have an excuse to watch TV and not feel like a lazy bum!)

  46. Lindsey

    looks like u guys are still pretty happy, so ur doing something right! plus, that dish looks sooo good.


  47. Wow you've totally spoken my mind!!
    all the things i've been meaning to tell my man (i've just made him read this ;p)

  48. … and do you ever run the dryer, {again} …. to fluff the clothes that have been sitting in there for how many days …. only to forget that you just fluffed them {again} ….. and they sit …. and then you repeat… and repeat … and waste lots of electricity and shrink your clothes. {lol – that's me}

  49. you and i are similar some. there are still clean clothes in our dryer, too, and my husband is definitely the biggest help around here…he's so good to me. aren't husbands wonderful?

    but i, too, have been feeling the need to step it up a bit when it comes to domesticity. i find that throwing dinner parties on at least a weekly basis (if our pressing schedule allows for such fun) helps me keep an orderly home.

    …AND ironically enough i googled "how to get motivation to clean the house" yesterday and the very first link that resulted was this (below), and you'll never guess what the last and final suggestion they give is–plan a dinner party!!

    Good luck with the motivation! And throw a dinner party w/ friends that haven't been over in awhile…or with new friends. =) Good luck! Your efforts will pay off!

  50. and once upon a time i also read a tip to helping your husband's "welcome home" more wonderful–to not have the washer/dryer running when they're home…it makes it a little more peaceful for him (and is something i never thought much about).

    so, in essence, i've tried (harder at times, of course) to keep to that and make that a goal, which, in turn, motivates me to start sooner than later if possible…but also totally depends on your schedules and when you're both home, etc., but just a thought.

    =) you're a doll. i just love your writings.

  51. lar

    i don't mind folding clothes i just hate putting them in the drawers. i get all the way to the finish line and stop short one more step. what's up with that?

  52. there is a difference between being a good wife and being a good maid/cook/laundress. you are fantastic wife, i am certain. we see the way he looks at you :)

    that being said.. (and this is more in response to comments that have already been posted)

    i must be different, and not because i'm a "good" wife.. i am far from it.. but because i LOVE serving my husband.

    i don't have a feminist bone in my body. and i don't think its "50s housewife.." i think its biblical.

    i love that the dishes are done and the laundry is put away and everything is picked up and the baby is clean and fed and ready to see daddy.

    my man works and he works hard to take care of us. my job is much easier and on a much more relaxed schedule and i take our baby with me.

    of course i am going to serve him and keep our house clean and stay on top of the work.

    * your home is lovely.. we've see pictures of that too : ) you work and contribute to things. go a little easier on yourself.

  53. I struggle with that sometimes. Read this for encouragement and a reminder of what a Godly wife's duties may look like (obviously in today's time it's not as labor intense, thank God!)

    The Wife of Noble Character, Proverbs 31: 10-31

  54. Erykah

    Wow, you remind me of myself on this whole post!!!! I HATE folding laundry and sometimes it stays in the basket to fold for a week!! annnnnnd sometimes I feel the same way that maybe i'm not being a good wife, but then I remember there are TONS of ways we can show them not necessarily through house duties….buuuut they sure do appreciate if we clean every now an then ;)
    Time for us to get domesticated already!!!!!

  55. Sloan

    I constantly struggle against what my husband refers to as my "piles." Little stacks of clothes, books, receipts, whatever, left randomly around the house. The only thing that I've found that makes cleaning and scrubbing ok are the sweet scented sprays from Method. :)

  56. Rose Red

    I'm sure you are an amazing wife. The most important thing is that you love and support each other.

  57. I glued a magnet to the back of a pad of paper and keep it on the fridge with a pen so i can write things down on it when something runs out. I often forget to write down "toothpaste", "q-tips" and "shamppo" though, so I've even got one in our bathroom.

    The only thing that gets me to keep our house tidy is knowing how happy it makes my husband. I can tell that when the house is messy he is grumpier! And I dont like a grumpy husband. ;)

    You'll become more domesticated once you have kids; trust me!!!

  58. You're such a good wifey though, no matter what!

    I really hate ironing- and taking out trash- so my husband ends up doing that part of the chores.


  59. Rhianne

    hehe, I am exactly the same, toothpaste tubes hold a surprising amount in there – in fact I really need to get some this weekend, I dont think ours is going to last much longer :)

    Hope you have a great weekend! x

  60. Dont worry naomi! We have 3 basically empty…tubes of tooth paste.

  61. totally feel the same way these days. I'm a bad housewife!