energy. and my most reliable charger.

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the last several days, i’ve felt like the exhaustion from life these past few months and the changes we’ve experienced have slowly been catching up with me. mama is tired. there is this never ending cycle over here of someone always hungry and needing to eat, dirty clothes into the wash and clean clothes needing folded, putting toys away and then still stepping on toys, trying to be attentive to each of my 5 babies while also trying to put out their little fires and keep the peace in a loving way. and then once one baby is fed or changed, it’s time to feed and change the other one. even with structure and routine incorporated into this day-to-day….it’s a chaotic life, this one we’ve created. a tiring life, at least this chapter of it. of course, a full life, too, in the most beautiful way. i’m not discrediting that in the least. but tiring. it’s tiring. it’s really really tiring.

sometimes someone might observe a photo or a post of mine and comment along the lines of how we get out and do so much. and then maybe follow that comment up with something about how we must have so much energy. those comments are hard for me. because here’s the thing. we don’t. (or at least i don’t.) i’m tired and still catching up on sleep from last year. but a few thoughts. 1. we can be either cooped up inside a tiny apartment driving each other mad or we can get outside where fresh air seems to do everyone some good. and 2. one of the reasons i love living in new york city so very much is because the city carries a sort of energy that invigorates yours when your exhaustion levels are at their lowest. it’s hard to explain.  but let me try… i think this city carries itself in a way that feels like a charger. i’m the phone and my battery is in the red all the day long but new york city is like finding an outlet and plugging in your phone when it’s at 1% and still getting to use it at the same time. you don’t have to wait for it to charge back up to 100% before using it again, you can be at 1% and still open all the tabs. all the freaking tabs PLUS all the freaking apps. hey, you can keep your screen crazy bright, too. it’s cool. because it’s somehow giving you a full charge while letting you do your thing simultaneously.  so for me personally, i might feel in the red at 1%, but i get outside and i walk and i walk and i pass people and places and smells and signs and colors and emotions and love and lights and new things and old things and foods and sounds and as i do so, i feel like i’m being charged. 15%, 22%, before i know it, 48% and it’s only lunchtime. we head home after a full day of exploring with the kids… different neighborhoods and a lot of eating, playgrounds and chatting with strangers, making new friends and wandering streets we’ve never been down. nursing the babies on city corners and city steps. walking and walking some more. even a subway train delay mishap that leaves us a sweaty hot mess with no train to ride and several avenues to walk crosstown on the way home, somehow still feeling like i’m being charged and i’m inching up to 80%. maybe this metaphor made zero sense and you aren’t with me anymore. in my defense, i’m inside my apartment at 1% and haven’t been outside in several hours. so you understand. ;) anyway, the short of it is, new york carries an energy that replenishes my energy and i’m so very thankful for it in this chapter of life where sleep just isn’t as plentiful as i’d like it to be.  thank you, new york, for being my charger.

some photos from saturday when it took me a solid hour that morning to even get into the shower before we left because i was tired and kept being sidetracked by wanting to sit down. we didn’t get out of the apartment until much later in the day than we first anticipated, but once we did, i was glad because #nyccharger. turned out to be a really good day.

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an incredible brother (most of the time, we’re 3 years old after all), and the way beatrice and madalena light up whenever one of their siblings comes over is very special. it’s apparant they love each other so much. ps. how much do you die over beatrice’s upper arm rolls?! they make me so happy.

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madalena. i could get lost looking into her eyes all day long.

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the aftermath of sleeping in her braids from the day before. this beauty and her pretty locks are something else.

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photo by conrad!LOVETAZA sept1518-6

another photo by conrad. (there were maybe 20 like this because he discovered the rapid fire/continuous setting and went to town!)LOVETAZA sept1518-18LOVETAZA sept1518-17LOVETAZA sept1518-16

halva toast from dez. one of our favorite restaurants right now (the moroccan meatballs and the chicken dish that has pistachio nuts is insane! we get those everytime, too!)

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i love them i love them i love them i love them.

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have a wonderful week, everyone!

 

  1. You are right I need to go out to feel better… As i say “I need oxygene!” I really need go out, even in the bad weather… in NY is better but… here is not too bad :)

    and your twins are soooo beautiful (as their sibiling )

    Kisses from France

    http://www.mapetitetribu.com

  2. Aileen

    I know how you feel about being recharged. I only have one child but I remember the days of feeling continuously tired and the last thing I wanted to do was go out. However I would get myself showered and dressed and away me and the baby would go. Once I had been out with people and the fresh air for a while, I would feel so much better. Getting ouside is definitely the key!!

  3. Kelsey

    What incredible colors in these photos. I think some of your best. Your children are beautiful! Wishing you the best ending to these final summer days.

  4. Rena

    I’m very relieved to read that NYC has this positive effect for you! And the pictures are the proof NYC works really fantastic for you. Thanks for sharing and and you can be so proud to manage your big and super lovely family.
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
    http://www.dressedwithsoul.com

  5. Alida Post

    Ahh Mama,I remember those early years being so tiring, and I only had two! You have so much love in your heart Taza, and I’m sure that if it ever comes to you guys living anywhere else, you ‘ll have a lot of love for that place too. And also, does Madalena have blue eyes?

  6. Heidi

    New York ❤️

  7. Allison

    I remember I did this with my first born and now I know I will have to do this for my new baby coming in November. Your family is so adorable and you look like you are keeping them happy-keep it up!

    Allison
    http://clementschronicles.com

  8. Lottie

    I loved this metaphor, and I completely get it – I used to feel the same way about living in london. These places just feed your soul

    On another note, your children are the cutest. Beatrice and Madalena are making me incredibly broody, ha

    Lottie xx
    http://www.monkeyandthebrain.com

  9. Tina

    As a mom of twins (2.5yrs) and a 5 yr old, I can’t tell you it gets easier. In fact, for me it has gotten harder with age. I say this to you as a reminder to keep finding time to charge your battery and your marriage. You will need more personal time than you probably ever took before when caring for your singletons. Don’t feel guilty, twins are a completely different experience, one that is awesome but oh so exhausting!!

  10. Teresita

    I needed this post.
    From one mama to another mama, thank you dear one 🌈💚

  11. Tina Schrader

    This post makes perfect sense. I love it because it describes the energy of NY in a way Ive never heard before. I love following along your tired life. Somehow, you seem to live it (I imagine, anyway) more fully than a lot of other less-sleep-deprived people. Bless you. :)

  12. Alice

    Love the analogy! It’s totally what New York feels like to me.
    You have a way with words!

  13. Katie

    I love the way you love New York. I live farther away now, but it does the same for me.

  14. Hanne

    I love these honest posts of yours the most. the lack of pure idyll is suvh a blessing to read! we are all in the same boat, one way or another. bless you, beautiful woman!

    Pst! That yellow dress E is wearing!! Where is it from?

  15. Love this post! I just created my first blog and have a couple interesting articles if anyone wants to read! I have worked really hard to get it the way it is and am really enjoying writing on it! If you want – Like, comment and share posts please <3

    http://www.thesweetsojourn.com

  16. Ashley

    This resonates with me completely. And thank you for sharing windows into the reality of motherhood because it always blesses me to know this isn’t just a me thing.. the tiredness, the cooped up feelings, the endless cycles of mundane, and the incredible thankfulness and beauty.

  17. Ashley

    I can totally why you guys have stayed in the city! Could you guys find someone to come by 2x a wk or so to help w cleaning? I imagine it would be like coming up for air! :0) 5 kids with twin newborns I couldn’t imagine, sounds like.fun but exhaisting. Why not lighten the load with a lil help and then you have more time.for the munchkins..k 2cents bit over ;)

  18. Katie

    Getting always cheers us up at my house too :). Also, where are the twins’ adorable bonnets from?

  19. Amy

    I agree – everything seems better when you get out of the house!

  20. Lucie

    I can only wholeheartedly agree with the “even if you are tired, getting out is the only way to go”.
    But Paris has been sucking the energy I have left these past few months/years… time to leave and get a change of scenery ;).
    Keep it up, girl, you are amazing (it’s 4 am here and i just managed to put my 16mo back to sleep without feeding. Small victories matter!)

  21. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post because of your honesty. You have such a wonderful family and I love how you power ahead even when you’re exhausted! I’m nearly 35 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I seriously cannot wait to make endless memories, despite the lack of sleep!

    Love, Kate x

    http://www.kate-and-co.co.uk

  22. Verity

    I love how real this post is, not everything is sunshine and roses, but you find your energy.

    I feel the same about my city, London. It has a frenetic energy that fills me up. We come home from a long day of exploring our city to wanting more. A good, full, lovely exhaustion, instead of the feeling that we are running on empty.

    Doesn’t help get the laundry done though ;)

  23. I hear you! As a mother of 6, I am exhausted; however getting out is the best energy for everyone. I was in New York last Monday and even with the rain, the city does have a special energy about it.

  24. Caroline

    I just love your photos so much, your perspective is beautiful! I am a full time working mom with 4 teenagers and I’m tired all the time but still trying to do all the things, it’s so exhausting but in a different way than having younger kids, I love your attitude and how much you love being a mother. Your family is beautiful and the way you mother is beautiful!

  25. Cait

    Sometimes I feel like this about New York, like if we leave our neighborhood and go have an adventure. But most outings tend to leave me exhausted and harder to be a good mom when we get home, even just a playdate. It’s tricky to know how to manage my time and energy, knowing that I feel spent much sooner than a lot of people I know! It’s a process learning how to fill up my own soul as a mom, whether taking time to read, getting out on my own once or twice a week, sometimes just sitting in a cafe by myself or making sure I get the wisdom of women well ahead of me.

  26. The little freckles on Conrad’s nose kill me! How sweet are those?! I love that the city charges you! It’s important to find the things that give you life and meaning after having a baby (or two)!

    Paige
    http://thehappyflammily.com

  27. Liz

    I’ve tried for years to explain how I feel invigorated by the city as an introvert, which never ceases to confuse people. You described it so perfectly. Thank you.

  28. Meghan

    We’re so different in this way, but I think you are awesome!! NYC is obviously fab. I just remember visiting and feeling overwhelmed by all the stimulation.. it brought my phone to 1% lol.. that’s why when I see the jubilation if your family and how happy your lives in NYC are, I’m so impressed, like beyond words. Kudos to you, and keep on enjoying all the splendor. Hugs ❤️

  29. Josephine

    As someone who feels totally overwhelmed by the energy of a big city, it’s fascinating/useful to hear another point of view!
    All your photos are lovely, in particular the one of Josh and Samson – that’s really something else :-)
    Re. feeling tired… I can only imagine how exhausting your daily logistics are right now (I have two boys 8 and 6, and that’s tiring enough!), but I hope that the hard yards of today will pay dividends in the years to come. Hi fives team, you’re doing an amazing job!

  30. fefe

    I’m so glad you can get recharged in the city! I’m the opposite – my energy immediately starts going down as soon as I get on the train. I guess it’s a sign I need to make the escape!

    I hope you also can catch up on some sleep soon. While you totally can do it all at 40%, it’s important to take some time to yourself and get back up to 100%. You and Josh deserve a day to yourselves :)

    http://objectsicantafford.com/

  31. Jackie

    I’ve been following along since Eleanor was born and watching you navigate motherhood with style and grace along the way has been so beautiful and inspiring. Keep up the great work mama, you got this.

  32. Kristin

    I don’t live in New York, but I feel this way about getting outside with my two kiddos. My main strategy for surviving and enjoying the long days with two toddlers is to get outside/ go to activities with them. Often my interactions with other people help too, but I really think it’s the fresh air, no matter where you live.

  33. Maeve

    Maybe it’s because I’m introverted, but I’m the opposite! I don’t live in New York but I think the noises and colours of the city would probably drain whatever battery I had left. Staying at home, taking a nap and relaxing always makes me feel more energized!
    Lovely photos by the way!

  34. It’s tricky to know how to manage my time and energy, knowing that I feel spent much sooner than a lot of people I know! It’s a process learning how to fill up my own soul as a mom, whether taking time to read, getting out on my own once or twice a week, sometimes just sitting in a cafe by myself or making sure I get the wisdom of women well ahead of me.

  35. Just moved to NYC from the Midwest with our two little ones and this post recharged me! We feel the same way about getting out and about while the weather is still nice, even if sometimes is quite the effort to just get out of the door with a 3 y/o and an almost 1 y/o. You are an inspiration to soak up all this amazing city has to offer for young families while we are here. Maybe we will run into you at some point on the streets of Manhattan! Cheers!

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