when i was a teenager and old enough to drive, i remember this sort of butterfly type feeling i’d often get when i had a few hours to spare in-between dance classes or heading home or whatever it might have been. it was that sort of feeling like, “i can go anywhere! i can do anything! i can conquer the world!” basically, it was me thinking i was crazy cool (i mean, car keys! hello!) amidst a life of not being cool whatsoever. honestly, i would mostly just waste the time driving around random neighborhoods so i could sing along to all of my favorite music as loud as i wanted to with no one else around (i mean, i am the biggest introvert i know). but sometimes, when i felt especially adventerous, i’d find myself at the new target in my hometown area, walking up and down all the exciting aisles looking at absolutely everything while day dreaming about having my own home and my own family someday. i’d find excuses to be walking down an aisle full of lamps or bath towels, fun kitchen gadgets and home organizational products. best of all was finding myself in the baby aisle. i mean, don’t tell me i’m the only one who loved pretending to play “house” when i would babysit for neighbors growing up.
while i won’t claim to have ever physically pinched myself, i do on a daily basis look around at my life and think, i am so grateful. that teenage daydream came true, and then some. the little day dream of having my own family, my own home (okay, we’re still in an apartment and we’re still renting but stay with me), of having official real life excuses to take myself on alone dates (still an introvert) and wander down all the aisles at target on said dates (well, maybe more like shop the store online from my phone during 2AM feedings these days) and call my own shots when it comes to playing house (i can have pink towels if i want to!). because this is actually my life right now – with the sticky refrigerator door handles from my three year-old who just doesn’t understand the concept of napkins, with milk spit-up somewhere on my shirt by 9 in the morning because if one baby doesn’t plant it there then her sister sure will. but grateful is an understatement. a very big understatement. everyone dreams of different things for themselves and their life when they are little, but my dreams were a lot of this. of babies. of being a mother. of all the mundane daily things that actually are the most special sometimes.
is it way too cheesy to tell you it’s all actually better than i could have ever imagined? i mean, yeah, eating your food when it’s hot is nice and getting a restful amount of uninterrupted sleep is dreamy, sure. i won’t deny any of that. i maybe long for those things sometimes. but this life with my little ones, in our small city apartment that houses an abundance of crumbs under the dining room table even 5 minutes after the last sweeping…. this life is my little teenage girl dream, and i’m living it. grateful. very very grateful.
this post is in partnership with target baby. thank you to target baby for sponsoring this blog post.