i’m starting to think the hardest part of pregnancy is the waiting game you play at the end. especially when you’re in discomfort while waiting. i feel like i’ve been standing in line for 3 days straight trying to get tickets to some hot concert or broadway show. standing in line while having to pee, naturally. because pregnancy. you always have to pee. even 4 seconds after you just peed.
my family will probably tell you, i’ve turned into the crabbiest person i know. tiny things set me off and even tinier things make me angry. it has everything to do with the fact that my bladder has never been more rude, sleeping sitting up means i don’t sleep and one of my baby girls likes sticking her foot so far into my ribcage, i can’t remember what life was like when i could take in a full and deep breath of air.
can i keep ranting for just one more minute here?! because i have to tell you about the part that is really killing me. this odd FOMO (fear of missing out) sensation i’m experiencing at the moment for new york city. like, i live in the heart of it. it doesn’t make any sense. but it’s exhausting just thinking of going outside and doing something fun. so here i sit, seeing sunshine and hearing birds outside my window, the occasional siren and car honk (ok. the frequent siren and car honk), and so many voices of fellow city dwellers passing by on the sidewalk down my stairs. and it sounds selfish and stupid, but i feel so far away from it all. the strangest feeling. i don’t like the feeling.
pregnancy. i know it’s magical and special and beautiful and all the things. i’m usually the first to want to point that out because it really is a miracle. but i’m so done. the aches and pains and exhaustion and last minute waiting game nerves… i’m just done.
reading this back now, i’m hesitant to post. it all sounds and reads rather negatively, and i know it’ll be misinterpreted on the internet because the internet is really good at that. but it’s important for me to be honest here about how i’m feeling and i think if you’ve been reading long enough, you know i’m thankful on top of being thankful for these babies in my tummy. the double edge sword of pregnancy. standing in awe of it all while also hating it all at the same time. let’s touch base again about all of it in july, maybe?… when it’s all just a memory and the bad parts have faded so much so, that the good parts outweigh all of them. maybe we can do it on a park bench in the middle of the city, where i’m soaking in the new york i love so much with two babies in my lap that are maybe even pressing on my bladder as i hold them but i don’t feel a thing because this bladder i speak of is kind once again. deal?