it’s been a couple of crazy days over here! i’ve felt probably every emotion in the book over the past 72 hours and for the record, i wouldn’t recommend it. :) with the start of a new school year, getting the kids situated and comfortable, and all that entails, it feels like it really takes a toll. and i’m not the one going back to school! we’re also still surrounded by a whole lotta unpacked boxes in the new apartment and i forgot how long it takes to get things properly unpacked and situated. besides the move, we don’t have a kitchen in the new place right now, like at all. it’s a long story, but we are making some minor changes to the kitchen and it feels like everything that could go wrong or get delayed has gone wrong and been delayed. and then there’s a project josh and i have been working on the past several months, which we are beyond excited to see finally coming together, although i do feel it’s been the main culprit of my emotional rollercoaster these last few days, because we’re coming up on deadlines for it. and not to keep going, but… i’m having this knee issue where the pain is starting to really grow bothersome and they don’t know what’s wrong with it yet (on top of a few other health issues)…i only share this, to say, while i do feel like i often thrive on the challenge of conquering crazy motherhood and a crazy business and life and the chaos that ensues, i’ve noticed that sometimes (read: the majority of the time), it takes a toll on not just things like my skin or sleep cycle, but it really effects how i interact with my loved ones and when i’m overwhelmed, i find myself being less patient with my children and husband, raising my voice more than i’d like, forgetting how lucky and fortunate i am in the grand scheme of things, and just all around not as fun or playful of a person in all of my different rolls. and that frustrates me even more because it’s like, “uuuggghh. no no no! i need a redo! i don’t want to be this person!” which in turn stresses me too and makes me even less patient…
and then, i found something the other day that seemed to be the cure for my emotional roller coaster of feelings which bring out the stress levels in full force sometimes.
and it sounds so silly. and kind of like, “well, duh.” but i’m going to tell you anyways. because when i did it for the first time the other day, i swear i felt like i had just discovered a magic potion.
it was a hug.
a deliberate hug.
a hug when i didn’t really have time to give a hug, and the receiver (one of my children), didn’t really necessarily need a hug either. but i kid you not, it brought me back. it was a hug that spoke to me. that reminded me of what matters most in this life and what doesn’t. and it relieved all my stress, frustration and negative thoughts in a wonderful way.
and so i’ve continued to practice it in my most desperate of moments over the course of the past few days.
me, kneeling down at any given moment during the day. at any place, be it our apartment or the corner of a street….when impatient me, or mad me, or frustrated or tired or negative thoughts me wants to party….me, kneeling down and pausing life and my brain to pull my babies in close and just hug them.
it’s ironic, because i feel like we are a rather affectionate family already, and give hugs and kisses and cuddles on the daily. holding hands with my babies as we adventure around the city is the norm. it’s not like there is lack of physical affection over here. but i suppose it’s not in anyone’s immediate thought process to squeeze your loved ones closer when you’re growing frustrated with them, or when you’re in your own head being your toughest critic. maybe it is and i’m just late to the game, and gosh! that sucks to be just finding this out in my third decade of life. either way, i’m onto it now, and it’s not something i’m letting go of anytime soon.
life is crazy. for all of us. we walk such different paths but we all feel similar emotions at many points during the process. and we all process or work through things differently, too. but, you guys! a hug! when your kids are giving you a hard time getting out the door for school because their shoe lace feels weird and you’re late and you wanna just be mad and be like, “i’ll fix it later!!!! let’s gooooooo!” i mean. i don’t have all the answers here, but i went for the hug this morning instead and it kind of changed everything for both of us. when your thoughts are going 100 miles per hour about everything you need to get done and haven’t, and you start beating yourself up because you don’t feel you’re enough, i tried the hug again there today and it also helped, a lot.
maybe it’s the scent of my babies. maybe it’s the fact that holding them close just feels really really good. or maybe it’s because they are the most important, most prized and special and beautiful things i have in my life. they are what matter most for me, and everything else is absolutely second. it’s like the hug has secret powers to reenergize, to motivate you to get those things done or carry on in a loving way because you’re doing it for them. i really don’t have the answer. all i know is, the hug is where it’s at. and i’ve given like, 697 of them today.
while my kids and husband will probably tell you i still wasn’t their favorite person to be around these past 72 hours, i do swear these said hugs helped me so very much on my end to make me feel a little more tolerable, loving, patient, kind, grateful, happy. they brought me incredible joy, grounded me in all the right ways and reminded me of what i value and love most in life: my loved ones who just happen to give really really really good hugs. :)