new LET’S CHAT! video!

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for some reason, this latest video took A MILLION YEARS to upload and process (slight exaggeration, but a long time, and i started it last night before bed. BUT it’s finally done!) excited to share it with you today! you can see our other let’s chat videos here but we’ve been having fun making these and this topic is one josh and i especially love chatting about since we’re in the thick of it… parenting!

we are NOT parenting experts, we are figuring this territory out just like anyone who has children is attempting to do as well. we make mistakes all the time but we love being parents and are trying our best. we try to answer some of our most frequently asked questions when it comes to parenting, like how we deal with tantrums or our communication approaches, but of course there is only so much you can share in ten minutes so maybe we’ll do a follow up video on the same topic again soon. keep sending in your specific questions, about this topic or something else!

also, a big thank you to all of you who have shared your own parenting beliefs and tips through the years with us (especially when you share them in a kind way).  i love learning from you, and have taken so many ideas or thoughts to heart and applied many in our own family life. i strongly believe there is no one right way to parent, or only one correct way to raise a child. it all varies so much on each family or child or environment or circumstance. what might work for us might not work for you, and vice versa. and that’s OK! we must be thoughtful and careful when looking into one’s methods of parenting that may be different from ours and not be so quick to attack or judge. i’d like to think mostly everyone around you is just trying their very best. remember you are doing a great job!

one last thing- the book i mention in the video where we first learned about speaking toddlerese is called happiest toddler on the block! i couldn’t remember the name of the book while filming, but there you go!

ps. sorry those first photos of us are blurry. i had no idea our smaller camera had capabilities to just touch the screen and it takes a photo 3 seconds later and the first image was an accident. i got so excited that i kept pressing it and taking more, not realizing i hadn’t even focused the thing. anyway… you learn something new every day. tomorrow i’ll learn to focus it beforehand. ;)

  1. carly

    You two are so cute! I love that you included the awkward setting up the video as your intro. It really shows your personality.

    It drives me crazy how random people always like to tell other what they should be doing with their kids. I hope you guys continue to always just go with what works for your kids. There really is no right way.

    Carly from http://www.AModernMomBlog.com

  2. Jess.

    I loved this! I laughed when you talked about jay walking. I feel like, in NYC, you really have to revert to the main “keeping safe” rule. In our family, we have decided that it’s not jay walking if there aren’t any cars coming! Gotta keep that pedestrian traffic flowing. :)

  3. Christina

    Hi Naomi and Josh!

    Loved your video. I am not even a parent (or even close to that) yet and I love listening to your insights!! I’ve been following your blog since Samson was younger than Conrad :), and it has been great seeing your journey unfold. You have an amazing family, and just wanted to send you a little encouragement! You guys are great!

    All the best,
    Christina

  4. Becca

    Thank you SO much for this post and video…so many helpful tips!! I recently had my first baby (a daughter, six months) and am IN LOVE with her and being her mama. But, do you have any tips for how to grow the mother / daughter relationship as she gets older? I also am aware of my insecurities and want to raise a confident daughter and not pass those on. Thanks!!

  5. Michelle

    Really enjoyed this video! Please share more of your parenting tips – what you’ve learned, what your favorite books are, etc. Loved these tips though!

  6. Britt

    you guys are pretty much the cutest. just added happiest toddler on the block to my cart- apparently i have a toddler now!

    xoxo, brittany
    current faves for mama + baby over on my blog!
    http://www.notablob.com

  7. Marcia

    Hi both, I’ve really enjoyed watching the video, the intro was fab, topic was fantastic, I just couldn’t concentrate on what you were trying to say because of the noise coming from the background. Maybe too much to handle in this little video, I’d rather have the background noise during your chat and music added to the intro only. Anyhoo, just realised I’ve been reading your blog for almost nine(!!) years now. Well done and good luck!!

  8. Carole

    Please tell me Josh is wearing make-up and his skin is not that naturally smooth. Because day-um! P.S. You two are the cutest!

  9. Piper

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on parenting with us! A question that I struggle with as a mom of 4 (ages 6, 4, 2 & 3 months) is how to better handle sibling arguments/tattletaling/fights. Sometimes they don’t even have to fight but they can be fighting, if that makes sense. They talk to each other in not-so-nice languages and one of them always ends up with “in gonna go tell mom what you said/did!” Most times it’s very trivial and I really don’t have an answer for them…it usually just requires more understanding and kindness on their part to find compromises and reconciliation. But it’s so hard to explain and by the end of the day, 8 feel beat up trying to separate them from each other (don’t get me wrong, they play really well together too and most of the time take care of each other). Would love to hear about how you guys handle stuff like this!

    Thanks!

  10. toytulip

    You guys are amazing! I wish we could keep having conversations like this… :)

  11. Riann

    Hi!

    It is nice to know that Toddlerese actually works. I use this way of communication in my classroom with my preschool students and it works wonderful there as well! I will plan to use it at home when my baby boy is older. He is only 8 months right now. :)

    Also, from what I heard in your video, it sounds like you guys do a more person-centered/ therapeutic way of parenting which I love. I received my masters in school counseling and I think supporting and empowering children can be a positive way to reinforce rules and boundaries.

    Thank you for your tips on parenting!

    – Riann

  12. Enjoyed this quite a bit.

  13. Triss

    Hi Naomi and Josh,
    I just got engaged you my high school sweatheart and you both make me so excited for our future. You’re an inspiration and such a joy. I hope my future husband and I can implement aspects of your relationship and famiy life that will work for us. We hope to be as harmonious as you too!
    Triss

  14. Love these tips! I’m also a mamma of 3 (1.4.9) and the only major thing we do differently is time outs, my kids need more of a breather than 10 seconds, we typically do a minute for age, starting around 3. The time outs are especially beneficial for my 9 year old, to go separate himself from whatever was frustrating (usually his 4 year old sister) and just get a little break from each other. Time outs are usually last resort for us though.

    http://www.thewanderlustmoms.com

  15. Lucy

    One of my favorite current parenting practices with my five year old is that at the end of each book/chapter we read each night, we take time to pick one of the characters we read about and say a blessing for them. This means that we think about specific good and honorable qualities and say them out loud– I want to help her seek the good in each person, real or fictional. Sometimes, I challenge her to give a blessing to a villain or a particularly unlikeable character just so she can practice seeing that everyone has good qualities even if they’re overshadowed by their not-so-nice actions. I’ve found that these blessings give her a method to practice gratitude and articulate the good she sees in her friends and family and even strangers. Just thought i would share!

  16. hanna

    Very cute video! Ugh I recently uploaded a video to youtube too, and it was only ten minutes long but for some reason it took HOURS to upload. –Hanna Lei

  17. Marlo

    Loved your video! So glad you guys shared on the Parenting topic & enjoyed all your tips. I’d also love any advice you have more specifically around siblings and all that comes with that sharing/fighting/being kind, etc. I have a 3 year old & 7 month old and are starting the “that’s mine” now that the baby is getting more active. Keep the videos coming! Love them!

  18. Amanda

    Totally started following your family when I was pregnant with my 4 year old son. I love parenting and adding tools to my belt, so to speak. I have a 4 and 2.5 year old and would love to hear your take on getting along, playing together and sharing. Are you the wait until they are done type or the pass it to the next kid because they want it. Especially because you live in such a small space and the kiddos don’t get as much separation. Would love to hear more.

  19. Cleo

    Guys ! Parenting is soooo fascinating, being on this never ending learning curve, I love it too and found it really interesting to hear about the way you deal with things with your cute little family.
    Here is a tip I heard somewhere and works wonders in my opinion, when two kids are fighting, or when one kid is upset about what his sibling or friend just did. Let’s say kiddo A is working on a puzzle, and kiddo B runs by and destroys it, kiddo A might get a liiiitle upset. First thing : you go to kiddo A, and try to help him put words on what just happened, and what he’s feeling : “are you angry? sad? frustrated?…” It will do a great job calming him, as he tries to express what’s going on in his little head. Then, you go with him to see kiddo B, so he can let him know what he just did and how it made him feel. You don’t ask anything in return from kiddo B, but experience shows that witnessing the “harm” he did to his friend will really have an impact, and he will be more careful afterwards. Sometimes he will offer help to work on that puzzle together, sometimes not. But (in my opinion) this way of dealing with fighting works waaaay better than yelling at kiddo B “you see what you just did ! look ! he’s crying ! that’s bad ! say you’re sorry !! say it !” (they’ll eventually say it so you stop asking them to, more than because they mean it). Well, sorry for the novel I just wrote here ahah. Great video ! cheers from Paris, France !

  20. Katrin

    You guys are pure sugar! It’s so much fun watching you talk about anything in the world :)

  21. Suzie

    What a great video! It really is interesting to hear how other people parent and it’s great to constantly rethink about how we can be doing it better. Sharing ideas and tips does help and let’s you examine how you might do things differently. Parenting is hard work (!) but I’m of the opinion we’re all in this together and we can learn so much from each other. Thanks for giving me more to think about!

  22. Gabriella

    Josh and Naomi, I really loved this video! I wish it was “Let’s Chat – Parenting Part I”, so you’d really have to make at least another one! Ha! No, but seriously, I know that you mention things here and there, but often we/I miss things that were just mentioned in one line on the blog, and its so helpful to be able to go back to a specific post when you want to look up something again.

    I loved your ideas on so many things in this video! Lots of which I’d never heard of before. Toddlerese, 10-second time outs (do these really work?), etc. I feel like you both are such great examples of parenting and family life, and it’s so incredible that there is an online community that helps expand everyone’s knowledge, ideas, and thoughts on specific topics.

    Please do another one of these! You two as a team are so great and I’ve loved seeing you evolve over the years (from getting married, to having 1-2-3 kids). It’s beautiful to see how much you care and how much thought and love goes into your parenting.

    One additional topic regarding parenting I’d love to know is – how do you decide on family traditions? I’ve saved a few from various blogs and families for the future, but I’d love to know how much you value them, if you think/talk about instilling them, or whether they come about naturally (from your own childhoods/by chance), etc. You could also just answer in the comment section if that’s easier. Speaking of which – I know you both appreciate your readership, but I was wondering why there’s no possibility to reply to someone else’s comment? I think there might be more room for conversations amongst your readers if that was possible. So often I’ve wanted to add my own two cents, but it just wasn’t possible. Just a thought!

    xo

  23. Marlena

    love your little chats! so much inspirations! i’m a mom of two and my older son is already 8 but i’m still learning how to be a good parent and it always nice to here other point of view! thanks for that!

    hugs from Poland :)

    http://www.mommyinthewoodss.blogspot.com

  24. Megan

    I loved this video and admire you both so much. I think you are amazing parents and love how honest and helpful you are to those around you!

    // http://lifeplusbe.com/

  25. Lisa

    Taza! Ugh! I just love your videos so much! My boyfriend and I watched it last night and I love especially how you and Josh make it a point to be honest about decision making with your kids. In one of my psych classes we are talking about adolescent behavior and you had mentioned that you and Josh are a little nervous about it. We just watched this TED talk for class and I thought I would pass it on to you. While you two have quite a while until your kids are this age, I thought it is still just such an awesome perspective of the adolescent mind and behavior from a teenager herself.

    Enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OkOQhXhsIE

  26. Megan Manwaring

    Love this post!! I’m a Marriage and Family Studies major at Brigham Young University- Idaho, so I adore this topic! I’m actually in the middle of the best parenting books I’ve ever come across, it’s called Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. I’ve searched and searched for something that captures my view of children and how to parent them as our spiritual brothers and sisters and I feel that this book captures that! The author is of a different religion than myself, but I feel that he is so in tune with how Heavenly Father parents us. It’s a quick read but such a paradigm shifter! I definitely recommend it!

    Thanks for being so awesome, guys!

  27. Tracy

    I love this! Thank you for choosing to celebrate motherhood on this blog. We expecting our first and I hear so few parents saying positive things about being a mom and dad (probably out of exhaustion, but still).

  28. Amelia

    Hi!!! So I have a question for you both. I am eager to travel with my family (my youngest is 4). What are the most kid friendly places y’all have visited? I understand that one tends to walk a lot when they travel. How do y’all do this with little ones? I saw y’all didn’t bring a stroller on your last vacation. Do you recommend that?

  29. Kayla

    Thank you for making this video! I love your parenting style and I think you guys are doing a great job raising your kids. I have three sons ages 5.3.1. Prior to finding your blog (2yrs ago)… I was a stressed out impatient Mom. I’m by no means perfect now but your blog really has helped me a lot to calm down and just enjoy my boys. Enjoy each stage. Not be in such a hurry and not try to make everything perfect. Thanks for being such great role models. Also I really love the relationship you two have with each other. Anyways, keep up the great work and I would love to see more videos on parenting and marriage style… family traditions, how you teach your children, how/when do you make time for date nights/each other. favorite toys and/toy rotation.
    Thanks again! You guys are great!

  30. Amy

    Love your chats with you two! This one was a little hard to follow though. With talking over one another and inside jokes or stories, that were hard to follow as most inside stories are for others, and the music combined with background noise I was having a hard time :( Maybe watching it again I will pick up a little more? I know you spent a lot of time editing and I don’t want to put that down, just wanted to let you know it was a touch hard to follow. I do love the tips I did hear though, please have a part 2!

  31. veronica

    Do you ever lose patience with your kids? Thank you

  32. You two are so adorable <3 <3 your first clips were SO cute!! And your parenting advice is very inspiring, and I look forward to keeping up with your Let's Chat series :)

    xo,
    -Charlotte

  33. Jen

    This is a great little series you guys have, and I’m definitely looking forward to more!
    One question for the next video chat would be: do you have any tips for bringing a sibling into the mix? We have a two year old girl with a little mr. on his way, due to make his debut early next year. now that you have three, have you found anything that helped with the transition of adding another little one to the family? We want to avoid jealously, and foster a loving relationship from the start. Thanks so much!! Xo Jen

  34. raynette

    loved this topic. you shared great tips, I can’t wait to use them and share them with my husband.

  35. Sarah

    Would absolutely love to know how you guys go with 3 little ones sleeping in the same room! We have a 2 month old and a 23 month old and I’m completely befuddled as to how to have them in the same room when it comes time. Does anyone get any sleep and how?!? I would so appreciate your insights! Xx

  36. Noelle

    I loved your video, especially the story of E saying, “I’m so confused!” That’s adorable.

    I would love to hear how you balance technology with your kiddos. I’ve been trying to make a better effort of not looking at my phone during the day while playing with my kids. But would love to hear of any tips you use.

  37. Ashley

    I loved the video and all the suggestions. Thanks for being so real. I have followed your blog since E was a baby. How do you deal with E learning words at school that you don’t approve of?

  38. Be

    It would be interesting a video with recommendations for that people who wants to be a parents for first time. Like, “don’t buy everything that you can see in the store” that things that we want to know but nobody tell us.
    Thank you!

  39. Siobhan

    Thank you for the video! I really admire your parenting style and (as you mentioned) it’s really helpful to hear tips from other parents.

    I don’t have a question, just wanted to stay in agreement that the conversations I have with my sons are my absolute favorite. Their excitement and imagination and wonder is incredible. I look forward to that everyday!

    Have a great weekend to you both and your family!! :-)

  40. Kathy

    Thank you for the great video! I especially liked what you said about the playground/letting your child learn on their own. I have anxiety sometimes at the playground and it was great to hear your point of view. I admire you so much! Thanks again!

  41. paige kate

    Im only 17 and dont plan on having kids for a long time, but I think I am going to take this advice, and think about everything you said for a very long time. Yall are such wonderful parents,

  42. You two have had such a positive effect on the way i parent. We have a very similar attitude, but it really helps to see your blog and Instagram photos and use it as a refresher and reminder. It makes me all excited about the day ahead with the kids xxxxx thank you x

  43. Elena

    Thank you for a GREAT chat and all that useful tips for parents.
    I am a mother of a boy Leo, whom will two in a few weeks.
    What do think about “to be the first in everything”? Now a lot of parents around me trying to teach their children to use potty from 6 month, to read before they begin to talk etc.
    And I hear all the time (on playground, in the park) : ” Ooh, he use diapers? Ooh, he is not speaking well?” (Leo use 12-15 words may be;)

    Thank you.
    Best wishes from Ukraine!

  44. Brooke

    Loved this! My 3 kiddos are right behind yours – my girl is 4 and two boys at 2 and 6 months. I always look at your family and think – aw that’s us next year! It makes me excited about the coming phase. I think you guys are doing such a respectable job at honoring and respecting your children with what you do here. It can’t be easy as “blog family” is a fairly new job and there certainly aren’t any books on that to guide you I’m sure! You guys are doing magnificently and it is such an uplifting inspiration.
    Ok, totally random parenting (ish) question: do your kids do Disney? And even more random: what would Taza wear to the Disney theme parks? Haha! You look cute anywhere so I know you would style a Disney trip like nobody’s business.

  45. Emily

    I love it when y’all make these videos! Your personality really shines through.

  46. Lisa

    I loved this video!! My husband and I have been trying for a family for awhile and unfortunately recently had a pregnancy loss. 99% of our conversations revolve around parenting and we aren’t parents yet. I really look up to you and Josh as parent role models. I’ll definitely be referring back to his video in the coming years. Thank you for sharing your life with us and for living a life full of grace and love.

  47. Rachel

    I loved this so much! Please share more videos / posts like this you guys have some serious wisdom to share – believe, it you do!

  48. Oh my goodness. This video was so stinking cute.
    I remember following you guys when Eleanor was just an infant and I’ve checked in ever since.

    I do design work so if you need special holiday cards or event cards I would love to offer my services.

    SiDesignLoft.com

    Thanks for sharing tidbits of your life on the internet! (And always being respectful of your kiddos, I greatly admire that.)

  49. Meg

    So great! Parenting in NYC is so rough somedays especially because everywhere you go you feel like you’re under a microscope. Thanks for putting this into perspective! y’all are great!

  50. Esther

    What a great video! I’d love to see you do parenting videos more regularly; possibly going into more depth on each issue. Thank you for sharing!

  51. Rahel

    Thank you so much for sharing your parenting ideals. It is so valuable to learn from. Also I am curious how you play in rest/nap time with one bedroom and what are some healthy routines you’ve found living in an urban neighborhood? Safety on sidewalks. Walking places. Eating out. Thank you Davis family.

  52. Nyborg

    Love the video! Thanks for the call out…

    You guys are great!

    “The Nyborgs”

  53. Lena

    Thank you for this video! I’ve been trying out the “do-over” you talked about and it’s been helping me get through to my toddler! In case you’re still reading the comments, I’d love to hear how you get through days when you’re really tired. I’m also curious to know if you ever feel too tired to play with your kids? How do you encourage independent play? Or conversely, how do you find the energy to keep playing?!

    I’ve never commented before but I wanted to say I find your blog to be such a happy place and you inspire me to be the best parent I can be!