the 3 biggest things i’ve learned to make motherhood easier with 3!

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probably my most asked question these days, from friends and strangers on the street  alike, is something along the lines of “THREE! HOW IS LIFE WITH THREE?!” the thing is, the transition from one baby to two babies was more of a shock to me, and while my arms are out numbered these days and there can be ample noise and chaos around me at any given moment, life with three is pretty darn good.  while i’m obviously still not an expert by any means and am still learning myself, here are my three biggest take aways since adding conrad to our family a few months ago. i hope they’re helpful to someone out there…

1.

accept help when offered. you don’t have to do everything by yourself. they aren’t kidding when they say it takes a village, or in our case, a city.  and it truly does.  i used to feel like i couldn’t be given the appropriate credit of even ‘adequate mother’ if i wasn’t doing all of it, on my own. but how does one even do all of it on her own? let someone help you with your bags if they offer, or hold the door for you if they’re willing, or tie your child’s shoe or watch you kiddos for a minute while you change the baby’s diaper…. how wonderful it is when someone says, “need a hand?” and extends one. you can also ask for a hand if one isn’t extended. chances are good someone will extend one within seconds if you just simply ask.  thank the heavens for kind people everywhere. thank you thank you thank you!

right now, with my husband working from home with me, i feel extra lucky because it means he’s here to save the day several times a day when i need saving.  i’m aware this set up right now for us of having that flexibility during our work day is pretty sweet, especially since i know what it’s like when he used to be away for long long hours even when i just had one, and then two babies.  i don’t think anyone will ever realize how much he does, in all areas of our life. and no one will ever be as thankful as me.

2.

while it might be slightly confusing to talk about letting go of control and allowing others to help and then say, don’t take crap from anyone but, don’t take crap from anyone.  i don’t think you should tell people off, but i do think we shouldn’t let critiques and criticism get us down. sure, the sweet little old lady on the street might let you know you’re doing it all wrong, but in her mind she’s trying to be helpful.  sometimes it’s best to just nod and smile and keep walking. those sorts of encounters can be easy to rub off.  but then you might get that kind of comment from a loved one on a more personal level, and it’ll make you second guess how you’re doing because we all know the mom guilt is real. and while constructive criticism can be a really great thing, sometimes the comments aren’t constructive, or helpful in any way. and they just make you feel like a bad mom, or that you’ll never get this.  and they can sting. which is why i truly am trying to live by the motto of just not giving it another thought. nobody has time for that, especially when you have your arms full.

3.

take a break. motherhood is full and blessed and beautiful and i’ll say that until i’m blue in the face, but not every moment is that way. and every few days when i feel in over my head, making time for myself, even just a half hour after the house is quiet and sleeping (and i should be sleeping) to read or take a bath or do something entirely alone, in complete quiet, it’s AMAZING. i also think that in this time and age of go go go, especially with the digital world doing just that but sometimes twice as fast, taking a break from your phone, social media, even your computer, is pretty bliss too.  just a couple days away from instagram, while such a fun app and community to check in with often, can help you feel refreshed and reenergized and more present in your own life.

what have been some of your take aways for making motherhood each day easier on you?

  1. I loved reading this post – you make motherhood beautiful! I love seeing the joy on little faces during your adventures and how real you keep it here on Love Taza – you are amazing! xo

    Warm Regards,
    Alexandra
    http://www.littlewildheart.com

  2. Amanda

    You are so sweet, Naomi! Your motherhood posts always brighten my day. As a mama that works full time I try to be present at work and then be extra present with my son. It helps to alleviate the mom guilt. Doesn’t always work, but it helps. xo Amanda

  3. Thank you for this. I’m newly a mom of two and finding the transition quite hard… wonderful, but hard. I can’t imagine having three… but then again, like all things in life, you just adapt, right? Somehow we learn to do it, and do it reasonably well. I think you’re amazing!
    xo

  4. When my husband gets home from work I always leave the house (or lock myself in my room) and go what I call “on my break.” I”m usually working, but it’s nice to get an hour uninterrupted.

    I like tip #2 (something I learned pretty early from having 1 kid), but I disagree when it comes from a loved one. I think comments from close friends and family are at least worth a second thought. Just not always worth implimenting ;)

  5. I love this! As a mama of three I try and wake up earlier than everyone and lay in bed and read something inspiring or say one of my favorite mantras to keep me strong for the day! With our warmer weather we had this past weekend I started bike riding again and it felt sooo good! -NYCMama of three

  6. Jenn

    Great advice! I’m working on baby number two and this will all come in handy on day!
    The Pepper Express

  7. Donna

    I was so bad at accepting offers of help with both my babies, tried to do everything myself. If I had a third I would totally have to start accepting every offer of help! x

  8. Sarah

    I’m still learning how to do #1 and I only have one baby. I’ve always heard that it is harder though to transition from one baby to two. So I’m totally dreading that day!
    xo, Sarah
    http://www.sarahhartley.net

  9. Addie

    I say that a lot too right now – life is Wonderfully Full – and I mean it, but a 30 min jog just for me/by myself is mandatory if I am going to be able to keep up the wondefully full life of ours :)

  10. marie

    The one things I’ve learnt from my 2 sons is that I’ll never be a perfect mother and it’s ok if I mess things up sometimes. For example, I’ve learnt to stop feeling guilty if they fall down just because I didn’t see them or catch them on time. And I’ve learnt to accept that it’s ok if I don’t catch my baby’s first walking steps just because I’m at work. I used to struggle with motherhood + working life but eventually, I’ve learnt to accept life as it is. I think as long as we atop trying to be “perfect” in everything we do, including for our kids, things will get easier and better. :)

    http://smittenbyangels.blogspot.com

  11. You are such an amazing mommy! As a young woman who doesn’t even have one yet, I’m soaking in these words of wisdom for later in life :) Thank you so much, I love following along with your motherhood journey!

    Circus & Bloom
    ♥♥♥

  12. Jessica

    YES! What a perfect post! We got thrown into having 3 kids pretty quickly with the arrival of our twins and these lessons are spot on. #1 was especially vital to me. I had to (and still always have to) set my pride away and ask for help. And even if the offer for help is half-assedly (ha, that’s a word in my vocabulary) offered, I take it.
    #2 is so vital to my sanity. Although sometimes I do (kindly) tell off the commenter. I think it’s important that people know that it’s not okay to say some things. Most days I have a pretty tough skin to handle unnecessary comments, but other people may not, and if I can make the commenter think twice about what they say to mothers, I’m a happy camper.

  13. Emily

    I recently had my second baby, and in addition to your three lessons learned, I have adopted the practice of lowering my standards. If the day starts off and I can just tell it isn’t going to go the way I want, I mentally shift my standards to the lowest point possible and remind myself that a day of animal cracker meals and too much TV won’t make my children stupid or criminals. Sometimes I just have to let the day be. “Tomorrow I will be supermom and wash a dish, but today I am just going to survive, and I’m going to love my kids while I do it. They don’t need my crazy today.”

  14. Emily

    Also, I am exceptionally grateful, more and more, for the kindness of strangers. I’ve had several experiences, but the most recent happened this week. I was waiting forever at the pharmacy with both kids and no carriers (foolish mom moment), and the toddler kept having a meltdown every two minutes. The baby fell asleep in my arms (don’t know how, with all the racket his sister was making!). I ended up needing to go out to my car to get my license, and we were passing an older woman when the toddler went at it again, throwing herself on the ground with dramatic weeping and wailing. The woman immediately bent over and said, “Come see Grandma!”. I encouraged my daughter to go to “Grandma”, and the woman graciously entertained her in front of the frozen foods section while I ran to the car. She was so kind. I nearly cried. I hope to be that mindful of young mothers when these sometimes trying days are distant memories.

  15. number 3 – making time for yourself sounds like a great idea :)

  16. Sara

    If I had to add a forth to the list, it would be to BREATH. I’ve found even before adding our second baby that when I get worked up and stressed out, my children can sense that and they get even more riled up. However, if I remember to just close my eyes and take a deep breath, maybe force a smile on my face, everything is so much better.

  17. Shelby

    I LOVE this post. I’m not a parent yet, but one of the best pieces of advice I have ever gotten is, you don’t have to do it the same way as someone else. It doesn’t make either of you wrong! Love these tips.You go, Mama!

  18. Chelsea

    We have 2 currently (4 and almost 2) and I’m longing for a 3rd but I have to say it doesn’t scare me as much as going from 1 to 2 did!

    PS. Random, but where are the kids backpacks from?! I’ve been trying to find cute/non Disney ones for ages I feel like!

  19. emily

    I totally agree with the whole not letting criticism get us down. I think it all comes down to the person’s intention. If they are genuinely trying to be helpful (however rude they are actually being) then it’s easier to let it roll off. However, people who have the intention to make other’s feel bad or inadequate, that’s when I’m more like, “Hey, it’s not your life or decision.” haha. And it’s so weird because sometimes the people who have good intentions can be ruder than people who have bad intentions, but the bad intentioned people’s comments hurt more!

  20. These are so invaluable! Take the help…take the help and don’t even question yourself. And definitely don’t ignore yourself, no matter how difficult.

    Ann http://www.LiveGrowWrite.com

  21. Kathryn

    You have such a beautiful and optimistic view on life and motherhood. It’s always a joy to visit your blog.

  22. KJDL

    Yussssssssss to all of these points.

    With my babies I have really had to embrace the complete cliche of “live in the moment”. There are those sweet, sweet moments when my baby and my toddler are sitting on the floor together just looking into each others eyes laughing about something I don’t understand. Or that moment in the early morning when that 2 1/2 year old boy who is so often too independent for moma wants to climb in my usually forbidden bed and burn off that last 30 minutes of sleep right up against me like I’m his great protector.

    Then sometimes they are both tired and crying for my attention. Or my toddler throws something at the babies head. Or my baby throws up and/or poops all over the darling clothes I put on to go out…right as I stepped out the door.

    And we can’t let the latter kind of moments destroy our ability to soak up the first. That is a lesson I have been learning the hard way. I even think someday I may miss the smell of spit up on my shoulders. :)

  23. NinaH

    My lessons:
    1. walk and do everything in the same tempo like the kids
    2. do sometime things only for your own in your own tempo
    3. everything that we do for and with our kids is all right. All people live so different. So it is NOT OK that other people think that their way of life is the best and we have to do it like them.

    But most of the time we get so a positive feedback that I’m taff enough to ignore these crabbers ;-)

    Mother of three

  24. Khilna

    Love this post, and your blog! Please check out nine:)

  25. Charlie

    While I’m not yet a mother I still feel that these tips are applicable in various area of our lives. Thank you for these advice, especially the first one. I’m a perfectionist and I like to do everything by myself but it’s true that sometimes it may be best to just ask for a little help !
    Great post, I’m sure that it will help loads of mums out there !

    xo, Charlie
    http://charlieleschroniques.blogspot.com/

  26. Reyes

    Oh, I have just discovered your beautiful blog, how could I have missed it all these years! I am also a mum of three althoug mine are slightly older than yours (they are currently 9,7 and nearly 5 years old). I agree with you that for me the change from one baby to two was more challenging than the arrival of baby number 3, the fact that baby number 3 was the sweetest baby ever and slept the whole night in just a few months also helped, a lot. Finding time for me and for my spouse was the biggest challenge of all, it still is, but so very necessary to “recharge batteries” like we say in Spain.

  27. Amie

    Lovely post. Always so honest & helpful!

  28. Rachel

    I’m a new mom of a beautiful baby boy and this advice was perfect. Thank you!

  29. Tanis

    Needed this post today. I just had my third baby a week ago. My other two babies are 5 and 4 years old. Reading your words leaves me feeling like I can do it! It was the boost I needed. Thank you!

  30. carson

    if i knew you personally i would have asked ! ( how life with three is ) I have two, just under 13 months apart ( 24 months and 11.5 months ) Going from one to two, i didn’t even think twice about, i just went for it and took it as it came. . but for some reason, going from two to three seems like such a big deal to me, it terrifies me ! we want four or five , and i know ill be ready eventually but yeah it just freaks me out, the thought of not having a hand for every one ha, i appreciate these little tid bits and i agree… its a learning process, learning how to ” take” peoples advice and unwanted criticism.. learning how to respond, how to control your own emotions, and most difficult – learning to just let things like that go . toss em in the ” unimportant file” and just keeeeeep swimming :) its so much easier said than done… but anyway … you’re doing great. I’m just a couple years younger than you, and i have looked up to you since i found your blog – which was before you had eleanor ! crazy. go enjoy your babes, thanks for the inspiration and encouragement. living in CT with cabin fever at its worst ( I’m sure you can relate ) this was just what i needed .

  31. Kristin

    Thank you for this! I am alone a lot because my husband travels to NYC often for work. Reading your post made me feel so much better, knowing I am not alone on a lot of things. When I do get a chance to take a break, and have maybe an hour alone, I like to cook or bake. I know it sounds crazy, but it really relaxes me and makes me happy! Thank you for your blog, it always brightens my day!!

  32. Hailey

    I really loved this post, I appreciate your blog and honest thoughts Naomi I think this blog is so uplifting. :) I just had my first baby ( within a few days of Conrad actually) and it’s been wonderful, But it’s definitely been work & I keep thinking how do people do this with more than one?!
    I also can’t believe some of the opinions people have (out loud) and comments people make on your instagram- so I was glad to see your #2. Being a mom can be hard and it’s obvious that you love your children and work really hard to raise your sweet babies right and I think just for that you need a pat on the back.
    We all need to be better about building others up.
    Thanks for your post. :)

  33. Maxwell.

    Taza, your daughter will one day cherish this photo of you nursing in public like this, so confidently and beautifully!

    You are a gem.

    xo

  34. Davina

    Thank you for these encouraging tips! I am currently waiting (any day now!) for the transition from 1-2 and I am a bit nervous about the shock it may bring! A third child will definitely depend on our experience after 2, but it’s good to know that there are Mamas out there who are able to juggle 3 without losing their mind :).

  35. Ariel

    Do you have any tips for how to manage three kids in a small space? Do you have the littlest in the same room or separate? Or how to manage late night wake ups with the older ones? I’m curious since I have my next baby on the way and were in a pretty cozy spot if you know what I mean. Thanks!

  36. You know what, as a woman with no kids (yet) I think these tips are so absolutely universal for everyone, in all situations. How many times do we say “oh thanks but no thanks, I’m fine!” Very true reminders of how to just get it done….whatever your “it” may be.

    Megan || http://www.ohheyblog.com

  37. Amanda

    loved this post. I have two under 2 and my husband is a busy student so it was a beautiful reminder. A couple things I do it try to not compare to the person down the street or the other mom at the park. everyone has different priorities and different things that make them happy. some moms don’t care if their kids wear pajamas all day but their house is sparkling clean. others have the most fashionable kids but maybe they never cook etc. etc. i just have to remember that i am in control. there are a lot of variables around me that i don’t have control over but i have control over me, my body, my mind and what i fill my life with. when i focus on that things are usually pretty good. when i chose to laugh instead of scold things are better.

    also i kudos having me time. i think it’s good for my kids to have a break from me but to also learn that it’s not all about them. sometimes i talk to my 2 year old about how we are going to the gym for mommy and then to the park for him. it’s good for him to have to do things for me and me do things for him. and we are all happier because of it.

    happy mothering!. my 2 year old is just a couple months younger than sansom so i was drawn to your blog because i just love seeing what other little boys his age are into and doing. ;)

  38. Rachel

    Love this! I will definitely keep this in mind as I have more kiddos! :)

    Rachel
    Blonde with a Chanse

  39. Shanea'

    This is my 1st time reading your blog and it certainly won’t be the last! I have a beautiful 6 month old daughter (my Mary Grace) who was born 8 weeks early, so my motherhood experience began with stress & anxiety that I haven’t been able to shake! As a mom, I tend to be very hard on myself trying to balance being the perfect wife and mother. Lately I’ve been very angry with my husband because I feel like there is more he can do to help, however I don’t ASK him to help very much. I’ve been expecting him to just figure it out! (wishful thinking) Lol! After reading this post, I realize that I need to not be such a control freak and ask for help when I need and trust that my husband will do all that he can to help if I just ask. Thank you so much for this post. It was right on time!! :)

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