well, baby and i are chugging along and this time around, life is flying by 3x faster than it did when i was carrying eleanor and samson! december will probably arrive tomorrow at this rate. i’m OK with it. because let’s face it, i’ve been ready to meet this baby for ages.
i have one of those pregnancy apps on my iPhone, and it’s been fun to check in a few times a week and see what baby is up to! right now, he or she is the size of a large mango and since baby’s sense of movement and ears are fully developed, he or she can feel me dance! but actually, i think i feel this baby dance more than anything! a constant mover, shaker, a lover of the can can kick and maybe even the jumping jack? or some sort of move that seems to require all limbs flailing at the same time for a few minutes. i secretly love it. it’s the best reminder for me that this is happening. and baby is doing alright in there.
i find myself daydreaming a lot about life with a new little one. what it will feel like to hold this little newborn close to my body and cuddle and sing and love on it all over again like when E and S were fresh and new. i love being a mother but i get really nervous around newborns because they are so fragile and i don’t hold them often. i remember the first night at the hospital with eleanor, she was just an hour or two old, sleeping soundly in this little clear bassinet besides my bed. off the nurse went for a few hours, and josh fell asleep on the pull out sofa bed a few feet away and i was like, “wait! what do i do?!” i was in so much pain and very tired, but i was so nervous this new little life beside me might stop breathing, so there was no way i was just going to roll over and sleep! every ten minutes or so, i’d reach out as far as i could to poke the bassinet a bit so it’d move and i’d be able to see eleanor move in reaction to my poke and take a deeper breath or move her head a bit or just do something to show she was alright. i just needed that confirmation that she was OK over there. no one ever told me how nerve-wracking those first few hours would be. i only share that story, because it was in those moments at the hospital in the middle of the night, awake and exhausted and afraid and entirely overwhelmed, that it dawned on me how this new baby was in my care, for the remainder of my life… this was it. it’s a feeling that is bundled with a million other feelings, this new great love, this crazy excitement, this joy of seeing and holding and kissing this new tiny baby after all those months of carrying her. maybe it’s because we’re so hormonal during the entire process, but you feel and go through a lot during the moments following birth. at least i do. it’s incredible and terrifying and amazing and the craziest part is that i can’t wait to do it again in a few months!
happy 23 weeks, davis baby!
ps- more baby bump posts HERE. also, shirt info here, legging jeans here. (although this is probably the last week i will get away with my regular jeans and the old pony tail trick around the button. it’s getting to be a tight fit around those parts if you know what i mean.) hat info here and sandals here.