the last few hours have been incredibly difficult for me. when people tell me not to be emotional about my babies growing older, i don’t like it. just enjoy it, they say. well of course i am enjoying it. i’m enjoying it best i can. hooray! you are one! i will say all day long today! and i’ll be happy and proud of my little man and show him off and feel excited! but this birthday also comes with a big lump in the back of my throat. it’s just hard to accept that we’re already here. i thought the first year flew by with eleanor, but with a second baby? it’s like the speed of light. and i hate that. sometimes i feel guilty that there weren’t as many books read one on one with samson this first year as were read with eleanor during her first year. sometimes i feel guilty that his milestones– rolling over, clapping, crawling, weren’t made into the kind of spectacles we made eleanor’s into. of course we were thrilled with each and every one, but it was just different. my attention is always split and it makes me feel guilty.
but samson is such an easy going baby. always happy. always grunting and giggling with the biggest grin across his face. he’s laid back in so many ways and as his mama, i so appreciate it. sometimes i just can’t pick him up as quickly as i’d like because my arms are full of his sister, and he seems cool with it. like he understands and appreciates me anyway. i sure am thankful for this. it’s helps the guilt, even if just a little.
i nursed samson to sleep last night crying the entire time. but don’t fall asleep yet! i’m not ready for this day to come! wait! my baby! stay a baby! i’m just not ready….
but may 30th is here, and you, my love, are one!
so samson, my sweet little miracle who is my cuddle bug and big boy and darling mister and beautiful baby, i cannot tell you how much i love you. how much you make this family feel complete. how much you mean to me. thank you for bringing so much joy into our family. thank you for forgiving me for not giving you the full attention i think you deserve but instead thank you for giving me so many hugs and cuddles and open mouthed kisses throughout the day. thank you for being so easy going and happy. thank you for being patient with me. and with your papa and sister, too. thank you for making me want to be a better person and mama every single day.
i cannot believe we are here. it feels like yesterday you were born. you have four big teeth with two more coming in and you took your first two steps without any help the day before yesterday. i am so proud of you! happy birthday, baby boy!
i love you, mama.
here’s a little video we shared last year with family and a few friends when samson arrived. i love watching eleanor sign ‘baby’ when she meets him for the first time. it’s like you can already feel the love she has for him those first few seconds of meeting him. i’m so thankful they have each other.
and PS! if you’d like, leave a comment for samson below! i would love to hold onto them and someday share them with him. (i did this with eleanor’s first birthday and those comments from you were so sweet and beautiful. i look forward to sharing them with her someday, too.)