so there were a couple of days last week where i felt entirely overwhelmed with the whole mama thing. we’re in this new phase of crawling everywhere, standing up and falling down (sometimes hard), sticking everything in our mouth, and biting down really hard with two new little bottom teeth that are sharp! (as her mama and current food source, trust me when i say those things couldn’t be sharper!) i love this little munchkin to death, but last week almost killed me.
i’m also not entirely sure how it has happened, but friday i realized i had never been away from eleanor for more than 2 hours at a time (when josh takes her on little daddy daughter walks around the hill or plays with her while i run an errand… or those two hours where i saw the harry potter movie in july while my sweet mama had eleanor outside of the theater. but come to think of it, i had to run out mid movie for 5 minutes to feed her. so never mind on that one.) but anyway, since february 1st, we’ve been together pretty much twenty four seven. i think the main reason has to do with the fact that we didn’t try to give eleanor a bottle until june (in retrospect, i realize that was somewhat an idiotic move) and by that point she was all ‘um? a bottle?! haha. no thank you.’ so since i only nurse her and we don’t have the whole solid foods thing down very well just yet, it’s not possible to be away longer than a few hours at once. and also, let’s be honest here…i’m a little bit obsessed with that baby girl of mine. so being away from her for long stretches of time usually sounds like the worst and silliest idea ever.
but last week did me in. one night, i found myself up until past 2am even though eleanor and josh had gone to bed around ten just because i wanted to have time to myself. i was completely exhausted and needed to sleep but i also just really wanted to sit there in the dark and be alone for 5 minutes. to take a hot bath and shave my legs in quiet. to browse the internet. to listen to music. i was so tired. but i wanted alone time. and 2am seemed like the only time i could get it. and that, my friends, is when i realized…i could really use an hour (during daylight?!) or maybe two. or if i’m being really selfish here, maybe an entire morning to myself? and so, i told this to josh the next day who said, ‘well. yeah. i’ve been offering to watch her while you take a day to yourself since um… february?’ and it’s true. he has. but i’m always like, ‘nah. i got this.’
so guess who had a morning all to herself on saturday? it was a little bit strange, a little bit awesome and a little bit relaxing all at the same time. i went and got my hair fixed up (i won’t even tell you how long it has been since my last cut. my sorry sad split ends.) and just sat around and relaxed. while i was on my own, josh took eleanor to my favorite place, 2amy’s, and brought me back my favorite pizza, arrancini and roasted olives to-go! that was probably the biggest surprise and highlight of my day, when my sexy man showed up with my favorite meal and a baby in his arms (what is it about a man with a baby? then add my man with my baby…plus a pizza? i love him.)
it’s a funny thing being a mom. because that entire morning away from my baby, i really missed her. but i’m learning if i’m going to stay sane as her mommy, i need some alone time every now and again. this mama thing is hard hard work. hard work, yes…but also, it’s the most rewarding and special calling in life. even when i have to hold eleanor as i pee because she doesn’t want to let go, i still love every second of it.