these last 24 hours have been the weirdest, most upsetting and frustrating hours i’ve experienced. i make mistakes all the time, but the mistake i made with my medication this weekend has put a number of things in jeopardy.
i didn’t want to get out of bed this morning because i felt like such a loser. all day i just wanted to scream. i dread the day i have to see my doctor again (later this week) only because i am certain she and her entire staff at the hospital have been rolling today on the floor over my case. “did you hear about…” seriously. i wish i could tell you just how embarrassing all the facts really are.
i made a costco run this evening and on the way home puccini’s la bohème came on the radio. it was really nice to listen to and before i knew it, i’d put down my half eaten chicken-bake sandwich on my lap and was conducting musetta’s waltz with my right hand (something my sisters and i used to make fun of my mom for doing while she was driving us in the car….how ironic that i have inherited her “pretend conducting the opera” skills while driving.)
by the time i arrived home, i felt much better. they can laugh at me at the hospital. it’s really ok. hopefully someday i will be able to laugh at all this, too. and yes, i made a really big mistake, but i can’t go back and change anything, so i just have to move forward and stop beating myself up about it (which has proven to be a rather unproductive method of spending my time the past 24 hours).
and when all is said and done, i am so thankful for soothing car rides, beautiful music and for my husband josh. it’s crazy just how safe and loved these things (but mostly i’m talking about my husband now) make me feel…
also, it appears that kingsley still loves me, too. and not just because i carry dog treats in my pocket.
*i realize i am being vague in this post and i apologize for this. but somethings are just too personal and private to share on this blog.